For good, clean fun, play soap opera name game

THIS JUST IN ...

March 29, 1996|By DAN RODRICKS

If you've had it about up to here with this football team name game, try another: The Soap Opera Name Change Game. It's a smile. We picked it up from Michael Feldman's hilarious show, "Whad'Ya Know?," which can be heard Sunday evenings at 6 on nTC WJHU-FM (88.1).

To determine what your name would be as a soap opera character, take your middle name and the name of the street on which you live. That's your soap name.

A friend in Roland Park came out Madeline Keswick, which sounds like a soapy dowager (my favorite kind). A Parkville friend turned out Matthew Oakdale, which sounds like a rich soapy stud. A friend in Northwest Baltimore really likes her intriguing nom de savon and plans to use it as a nom de plume: Suzanne Sequoia. A friend in Reisterstown gets soaped as Truman Chestnut. If you live on a numbered street, insert your mother's maiden name or the make of your car for a last name. If you live in Columbia, sorry, you can't play. Have fun. Bright idea opposed

Out in Frederick County, that courtroom battle over the lighted baseball field in Mount Airy is on hold till April Fool's Day. Homeowners in the Twin Ridge development want the 70-foot stadium lights taken down. They say they would never have moved to the neighborhood if they'd known their $200,000 homes would be near a playing field rimmed by 75,000 watts of light. They complain of glare, trash, noise and traffic. One plaintiff even said her sex life has suffered. She told Frederick County Circuit Judge John H. Tisdale that she and her fiance just can't get in the mood during baseball games. "This is embarrassing," she said, "but we can't concentrate and make love while the lights are shining in our bedroom."

Chief knows the suspects

Terry Sheridan, the new Baltimore County police chief, lost his nearly new London Fog topcoat at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast at the Timonium Holiday Inn the other day. Somebody walked off with it. The chief thinks it may have been just a look-alike error. He did not make a police report. But get this: He has the names of everyone who attended the affair. Stay tuned.

Eddie in the White House

Here's a shocker: House Majority Leader Dick Armey of Texas, speaking to a roomful ... We elected Eddie Haskell!" That, of course, was a reference to the bad boy of Beaver Street, which opens a world of possibilities: Dick Armey as Lumpy and Bob Dole as Lumpy's dad; Newt Gingrich as Wally, Steve Forbes as The Beave, Alfonse D'Amato as Larry Mondello. Ward and June? Nominations now being accepted.

Call for Mr. Reports

A Sun reader called here to complain about a recent display ad for the Wonderbra. "It was phonographic," she said. ... And then there was the reader who called the news desk looking for a reporter named "Staff Reports." (I am not making this up!) "I have a sports article here," he insists, "and it says, 'from Staff Reports.' I want to talk to him."

Accidental phone calls

Like we needed research to tell us this: People with a cellular phone in the car run a 34 percent higher risk of having an accident. The danger mounts, say researchers at the Rochester Institute of Technology, when they use the phone a lot or while doing something else, such as lighting a cigarette or drinking coffee. Well, der.

Vivid reminders

At playwright H. B. Johnson's funeral the other day, mourners heard uplifting messages about how the ex-convict who contracted AIDS from a dirty needle had helped many youths with his anti-drug talks in local schools. "He changed a lot of lives by changing himself," said Drew Leder, one of the eulogists. Hopefully, Johnson's message reached the kids to whom he spoke after his release from prison in late 1993. But mourners leaving the service on Winters Lane, in Catonsville, were reminded how anti-drug themes sound too late for many. The sign on the church's gravel parking lot: "Take cans and needles with you."

Is it humor?

Anybody seen the new commercial for Towson Town Center featuring a fat guy, stunned by a near-death experience with a dump truck, in sudden need of new underwear? Anybody think

it's funny?

Call up the mayor

Maybe this would be a good time to let you know that the mayor of Baltimore has an e-mail address and a Web page. For e-mail, it's mayopfl2.epflbalto.org, and the Web site can be found at epfl2.epflbalto.org/Mayor. I'll let you know when Joan Pratt gets on line, or with the program, or whatever.

If you have an item for This Just In, give me a call on 332-6166, or drop me a line at The Sun, 501 N. Calvert St., Baltimore 21278-0001. Love to hear from you.

Pub Date: 3/29/96

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