Schmoke, Clarke beware: The poets are negative

September 01, 1995|By ROGER SIMON

You think the press is negative? Burnt out? Cynical?

Well, you ain't seen nothing until you see the entries to my poetry contest in which you were asked to submit a haiku or limerick on this month's Democratic mayoral primary.

The top winners will be printed in my Sunday column. Today, the Honorable Mentions.

And believe me, some of these people could use a ray of sunshine in their lives:.

Douglas McNeil of Baltimore:

Ambitious pygmies

Struggle in the mayor's race

While the city dies.

William Noellert of Baltimore:

In Baltimore an election is pending

With Kurt and Mary Pat contending

A few voters who care

Will separate this pair

For what? More taxing and spending?

Arnold Paskoff of Baltimore:

Maybe the city won't croak

If we re-elect Mayor Kurt Schmoke

Mary Pat's cute,

And Schaefer's a hoot,

But the truth is they all make me choke!

Sandra Ann Pika of Catonsville:

Vote Schmoke or Ms. Clarke?

Hizzoner or Herroner?

I don't give a damn!

Jim Wheeler of Baltimore:

The mayor's adrift without oars

And Mary Pat's campaign is a bore

The city that reads

Needs a mayor who'll lead

Will someone new step to the fore

A. J. Gallagher of Timonium:

Dead men cast ballots

In Baltimore. Their dank votes

Dilute honest hopes.

James M. Woody Jr. of Baltimore:

Schmoke? Clarke? What a choice!

I'm really glad I moved to

Baltimore County.

Larry Hall of Towson:

Clark's antics are frantic

While Schmoke's lead is gigantic

Both of them feel

They should be at the wheel

of Maryland's "Good Ship Titanic"

Bob Eikenberry of Fallston:

How to choose just one?

All highly dedicated.

All masochistic!

Megan Hart Waters of Marriottsville:

Put Clarke and Schmoke in the ring

Let them duke out this mayoral thing

A jab high, one too low,

Someone's reflexes too slow

And the loser hears wee birdies sing

Harry Van Cleaf of Baltimore:

As Mary & Kurt Face Off

To Once Again Feed from the trough

I say to you now, Oh Gee! and Oh Wow!

Let's let them just both kiss off!

Guy M. Murray of Highlandtown:

This race looks like a real beauty

Guess I'll vote and do my civic duty

The question remains

Who will win the campaign?

I don't give a rat's patootie.

But have we got an antidote for cynicism? Yes, we do!

And even though the second line has eight syllables and is therefore not a true haiku, we are allowing it as a honorable mention because it's just so gosh darn sweet!

Jill Lion of Baltimore:

Best candidate for

Mayor? That's easy: Cal Jr.

And my dog Sunny.

Besides, things could be worse. As Jim Little of Arlington, Va., reminds us:

No real candidate.

Pity, but forty miles south,

jTC Marion Barry.

We also have a specialty entry this year that is not a haiku or a limerick. I am giving it an Honorable Mention because so much work went into it. It's from John Abato of Baltimore, and I almost threw it out before I realized that you had to take the first letter of each word to make sense of it:

Kampaigns Usually Ruin Television (selection)

Soon City Hall May Offer Kable Election

Might A Ripken Year Produce Autumn Trends?

Competition Lingers After Roger's Kontest Ends!

Really -- Sarcasm Is My Only Needed (protection.)

Cute? Cute!

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