They're so desperate in New York that George Steinbrenner is said to be interested in signing Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden in an attempt to rehabilitate the Yankees.
In Toronto, the natives are becoming increasingly restless and disinterested in a team that would be lost without David Cone.
And in good old Baltimore, there are indications that owner Peter Angelos is being encouraged to add another superstar, somebody like Kirby Puckett or Barry Bonds, to his collection. No matter that it would take all of the cream from the minor-league system, and even some from the big-league level.
It gets a little scary when the prescription is to fix something that already had been repaired before it broke.
The problem with the Orioles is that none of their Band-Aids has any adhesive. So, naturally, the solution is to trade the Band-Aids for a player who can stop the bleeding.
Sure -- and we'll also give you a dozen almost ripe apples for a bushel of jumbo hard shells. And even pay for the suds to wash them down.
That's the way trades are made -- on the talk shows and in the papers. To borrow an overworked, grammatically suspect, but highly accurate phrase: "It ain't that easy."
The Orioles put together this team, piece by piece. They did so as much by subtraction as addition, starting with manager Johnny Oates, who was deemed too insecure to work for an organization awash with insecurity.
Before last season, the Orioles invested $9 million on a three-year contract for Sid Fernandez, who was supposed to give them a solid No. 3 starter.
Then they dropped a $1 million switch-hitting second baseman (Mark McLemore) for another (Bret Barberie); replaced a former $3 million center fielder (Mike Devereaux) with another (Andy Van Slyke); dropped one bargain-basement closer (Lee Smith) and a left-handed reliever (Jim Poole) for a matching pair (Doug Jones and Jesse Orosco); let a proven veteran utility infielder (Tim Hulett) go in order to retain an unproven rookie (Manny Alexander); and gave up a sound role player for the outfield and infield (Jack Voigt) for a switch-hitting outfielder to use off the bench (Kevin Bass).
Has anybody noticed the very distinct National League influence?
Lest we forget, the Orioles did replace one malcontent (Chris Sabo) with a regular performer (Jeff Manto). Score one for the good guys in the ugly hats. But don't forget we're talking about a position (third base) that originally was diagnosed as a weakness more than a year ago before it was determined that Leo Gomez's .197 batting average in 1993 was only a mirage.
At this point there is little the Orioles can do other than attempt to weather the storm. They put together a team considered worthy of challenging in the AL East, and now are forced to trust their judgment.
If they were wrong, as the early results indicate, they'll have to find better Band-Aids. Or rely on their own young players being stifled by the first-aid method now in use.