Radio's hard-right heroes are pathetic crybabies

April 28, 1995|By ROGER SIMON

How frightened should we be?

On TV we see these militia people training with their guns.

They stand at attention, they march, they crawl along the ground in their little camouflage suits.

They say they are training to take on the U.S. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, FBI, ATF and DEA.

So how come they look like they have trouble dragging their beer bellies to the TV set when they can't find the remote?

And the extreme right and the extreme left in this country need to learn the same thing: Unwashed hair does not a revolutionary make.

Besides, the main activity of these militia leaders does not appear to be training, but talking.

I heard one leader talk about how the government is putting "microchips in dogs" to track them and "next they will put microchips in our children."

I listened to another tell me that every electronic bar code on food packaging "contains the sign of the devil, 666."

And these guys are going to take control of the country?

These guys can't take control of their own shabby lives.

But what about the talk show hosts who feed their paranoia? Should we worry about them?

Not from the ones I have heard.

True, G. Gordon Liddy advises his listeners to kill federal agents under certain circumstances and to go for "head shots."

But you have to remember just how stupid G. Gordon Liddy is.

He is so stupid that some people are still convinced he was working for the Democrats during Watergate and not the Republicans.

Not only did Liddy botch the "third-rate burglary" at the Watergate complex -- and spend more than four years in prison for it -- but he suggested to Attorney General John N. Mitchell that they hire a yacht, equip it with hookers, sail to the Democratic convention in Miami, and then film Democrats having sex.

Mitchell thought he was nuts. I wonder why. Could it also be because Liddy had a habit of walking around Washington with a pellet gun shooting out streetlights?

And he is going to end up in control of America?

G. Gordon Liddy is more likely to end up in a rubber room.

How about Ollie North?

In 1994, a year of overwhelming triumph for the Republican party, Republican candidate Ollie North, spending more per BTC voter than anyone in America and running for the Senate against an unpopular Democratic incumbent, lost.

You look up failure in the dictionary and you will find a picture of Ollie North.

Rush Limbaugh? Limbaugh is so obviously a charlatan, hustling after a fast buck, that he is no danger whatsoever.

OK, one exception: Limbaugh could be a danger if he fell on you.

But have you ever heard a greater bunch of cry-babies in your life than these right-wing radio snipers?

Every day they attack their opponents using the crudest and most extreme terms, and when President Clinton makes a single speech asking them to be more responsible they start shrieking as if they were being tortured.

They are pathetic. And their defenders in the press are misguided.

Bill Clinton was not shutting down the First Amendment, he was exercising it.

He was speaking out for the majority of Americans who are fed up with these radio rats, these wireless weasels, who are interested only in making money off hatred.

Make no mistake: If Rush Limbaugh could make more money as a liberal New Ager, he would paint his hair purple and get his eyebrows pierced tomorrow.

I am proud of President Clinton for telling off these slugs. I hope he continues.

Do we live in dangerous times? We do.

Did militia men kill scores in Oklahoma City? Allegedly, they did.

But they are not in control of our government or our country. Decent people are.

And decent people will track down these right-wing nuts and punish them. Even paranoids have enemies.

And if these militia people are conspiring to murder, they will be infiltrated, wire-tapped, arrested, tried and imprisoned.

Some say they will kill themselves and die as martyrs to their cause before they would let that happen.

I say: Bully for them.

And may I suggest a head shot?

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