Pay Them in Peanuts and Crackerjack

April 05, 1995|By Rick Horowitz

Sammy Sluggo had heard the call:

Come and play some Replacement Ball.

Just the thing for a lad to do,

Sammy knew --

Dream come true.

Packing meat wasn't half as nice,

Suiting up was like paradise.

Didn't think twice,

But to be concise,

Now Sammy is feeling blue. . . .

''Kicked me out of the ballgame,

Kicked me out with the crowd.

I gave that horsehide a mighty whack,

Now I'm gone,

What a stab in the back!

''So they boot my butt off the baseline,

Run my buns off the grass.

'Here's your check' --

Heck, back to my life in the working class.''

Sammy Sluggo received the news:

Strike is over. The owners lose.

Major leaguers are streaming in,

Sleek and thin.

(''Might have been . . . '')

Almost made it to Opening Day,

Climbed that hill nearly all the way.

Ready to play but --

The old cliche --

Took it right on the chin. . . .

''Kicked me out of the ballgame,

Tossed me out on my ear.

I could have smacked 'em right o'er the fence,

Now I'm through,

It just doesn't make sense.

''There's a cute, cute plaque with my portrait,

In my Dream Hall of Fame --

But it's 'Wham! Bam! Hit the road, Sam!'

At the old . . . ball . . . game.''

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