Baring's Nightmare

March 14, 1995|By Ellen Silbergeld

(with apologies to W.S. Gilbert)

* When you're ready to break

All the markets that make

Exchange rates that roll on forever

I propose you should use

All the yen you can lose

To finance your risky endeavor;

Wait till London's asleep,

To your terminal creep

Making trades so quick and so daring

No one ever will know

What they reap you will sow

But please don't bankrupt poor Baring!

Derivatives high,

Let the futures fall by,

By the time they wake up it's over

You'll be off to Tibet

Where the market's not yet

Discovered something richer than clover;

Meanwhile back on Threadneedle,

The governors wheedle,

They'd like a return on their cash, please;

The Prince is a pauper,

He can't buy a topper

And the palace is in for a rash squeeze;

And just when you're sure

That your money's secure,

There's that nasty old man from the Fed;

just like to know

Where the dollars should go

When Washington gets out of the red.

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