If we now gang up on Jack Kent Cooke, we'll soon feel better

THIS JUST IN. . .

January 18, 1995|By DAN RODRICKS

Is there any doubt that, in deference to Jack Kent Cooke, the National Football League wants to keep a football team out of Baltimore? So, in deference to Baltimore, let's keep Jack Kenmands therapy, and this is the best I can think of. Let's turn the lawyers loose to keep Old Jack from building his obnoxious stadium. (The Redskins are appealing an initial denial of their proposal to the Anne Arundel County Board of Appeals, so now's the time to make your feelings known.) Let's play the way the NFL does, too -- dirty.

Analasis of a defeat

As for Malcolm Glazer, who says he "sure as heck" would rather own the Buccaneers in Tampa Bay than own them in Baltimore, I say: Mal, you're a loser. The only reason you got that team was because they didn't want Baltimore to have it, no matter what. You're the luckiest guy since Ringo. As for Peter Angelos, I say: Nice try. As for attorney Robert Schulman, who appeared on Channel 2 the other night with Scott Garceau to say that his investment group offered "many millions more" for the Buccaneers than had been reported, I say: Nice suit.

Speaking of suits

As tempted as he might be to unleash his lawyers, the new governor would serve the state well to drop any notions of going after Ellen Sauerbrey for legal fees. She brought a suit that, in short order, was proven frivolous, if not ridiculous. Anyone who understands the principles of objective investigation and legal discovery must be insulted that stunning claims supported by such flawed data and biased analysis could be made by a reasonable person, much less a sharp woman who convinced about half of those who went to the polls Nov. 8 to vote for her. But the case went to trial. And, along the way, Sauerbrey's sensational allegations of a stolen election were reduced to a relatively small bureaucratic blunder. Perhaps her original attorneys left Sauerbrey's camp when they realized how empty her claims were -- awash in rhetoric, not steeped in fact. But, now that the thing is settled, should Parris Glendening engage his attorneys to go after some $500,000 in legal fees said to have been incurred by the state and the governor-elect? The temptation is great, especially in light of Sauerbrey's continuing insult in not conceding defeat. But going after legal fees would require more legal fees, more time in court, more consideration of Sauerbrey's outrageous claims, more TV coverage. Glendening has taken the high road in this episode all along. Making a frivolous-suit claim would take him off that course. (He could tell those lawyers to work on the case against Jack Kent Cooke in Laurel.)

As for Ellen Sauerbrey, I feel like admonishing her with the words of Groucho Marx: "Be gone, and never darken my towels again."

Blue suede evening

Lunchmeat subs wrapped in aluminum foil and neatly stacked on all the tables. Buckets of beer. All the pretzels you can eat. And all the free soda. Plus, real live music by Kathy and the Hot Rods, a Laurel-based oldies band. The dancers included long-haired, bearded guys wearing keys on biker chains as well as mild-mannered suburbanites doing the wigglies. We're talking good time, and only at $20 a head. This was the scene Saturday night at the Dewey Lowman American Legion Post in Arbutus. "The Wonder of You" charity dance, which benefited the Grant-A-Wish Foundation, included an Elvis memorabilia auction, and the most coveted item -- the one that got the biggest buzz -- was a blowup of The King in his famous Oval Office encounter with Richard Nixon. You should have seen the look of satisfaction on the winning bidder's face.

Good idea, Mr. Henson

As for Dan Henson, who backed off from making residents of public housing perform community work, I say: Next time, use a shoe horn instead of a jackhammer when you make a proposal. You had a good idea. If the tenants don't muster some serious action among themselves -- say, by next December -- take a hard line. You'll have more support than you think. Maybe even the mayor will support you.

Not so good, Stoneleigh

Monday -- Martin Luther King Jr. Day -- during a discussion with a Stoneleigh woman on the renovation of a York Road shopping center near the Baltimore city-county line and the opening of a new roast-chicken franchise, I heard this: "Yes, and I don't want to sound like a bigot or anything, but you know that restaurant is going to attract people [blacks] from lower Govans to the area." I know she didn't want to sound like a bigot, but I guess she just couldn't help herself.

Today's chuckle

Overheard in Baltimore:

"Where did your father work?"

"Edgewood Arsenal."

"What did he do there?"

"He was in chemical welfare."

Today's Schaefer story

One more William Donald Schaefer story, this one from Mark Wasserman, secretary of economic development: "He just called us all together. . . He said, 'I want a World Trade Center Institute.' Our question of him was, what do you mean? He said, 'Look, you -------s, you fill in the details. I want something called a World Trade Center Institute. We need one!"

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