For better or worse, here's O. J. in verse

October 24, 1994|By ROGER SIMON

We have a winner!

The grand prize winner of the 10th annual Roger Simon Eastern Seaboard Poetry Contest is Stanley L. Rodbell of Columbia, who wrote this nifty haiku:

Is O. J. guilty?

Who cares? Justice is dying

to entertain us.

And if Rodbell calls me in the next 90 minutes, he will get to cart away $25 worth of junk from the display case in The Sun lobby.

If he doesn't, it will go to first runner-up Richard Brummer of Baltimore, who wrote:

If O. J.'s found guilty for real

It won't be a very big deal

By the rules of the court

There is a resort

For juice there's always a peel

There's a tie for second runner-up with Bob Eikenberg of Fallston:

I admit it's not very smart

And saying it tears me apart

But face it, O. J.,

If we voted today,

My Simpson of choice would be Bart!

And Richard Kolish of Baltimore with:

O. J. slashed and ripped

for the Bills: helpful training

upon retirement.

Third runner-up is Stephen Ziegler of Ocean City:

An encounter where no one survives

We're enthralled as his Bronco he drives

But high profile detentions

Cause network pre-emptions

What happened on "Days of Our Lives"?

And honorable mentions to:

Phyllis and Michael Panopolous, Timonium:

The juice has been squeezed

People thirst for more and more

Pulp for everyone.

Sandra S. Durfee, Baltimore:

There once was a man named O. J.

Who appeared on TV every day

With dozens of lawyers

And millions of voyeurs

Who was it said crime doesn't pay?

Tom Lassiter, Baltimore:

Get rid of this soap --

I want to see O. J. tried.

Oh, that's what this is!

Dave Eberhardt, Baltimore:

If O. J. skates free but he lied,

Could his big shot lawyers be tried?

But if guilty he's found

Might they with him be bound

And all 6 or 7 get fried?

Carolyn White, Eldersburg:

O. J. ducked in back

Al to the Bronco rescue

Or was it a dodge?

Sanford A. Berman, Ellicott City:

Dershowitz, Cochrane and Shapiro

Defend a fallen pseudo-hero

After collecting their fees

For professional sleaze,

What's left for his children is zero.

Ella Mae Kirby, Halethorpe:

Lawyers play a game:

Is client guilty or not?

Who cares? Only win!

William Ramsey, Columbia:

O. J., we know him.

He was in our home last night.

Our friend could not kill.

Christopher Ellis, Baltimore:


Fairness, privacy . . . all dead.

Fodder for talk shows.

Kenneth Munson, Baltimore:

In sports, they call him The Juice

In life, he's accused of abuse

Did he lose his head?

For now two are dead

And Ms. Clark won't accept his excuse.

Dorothy Baumgarten, Baltimore:

A race for sweeps week.

Sensation. Attorney's war.

By the way -- victims.

Mary Jane Mitchell, Ellicott City:

O. J. once had a dual intent

Both a man and beverage it meant

Now he's fumbled at scrimmage

And tarnished his image

And we're wondering where he'll be sent.

Gene Haupt, Baltimore:

Simpson screenings send

Set screeching sordid suasions

Sans sound sustenance

Laura Burggraf, Timonium:

No matter what O. J. had done,

Nicole mustn't have any fun.

Just try not to smile,

Keep a real low profile,

And carry a small loaded gun.

But, hey, kids, don't try that one at home! And keep your pencils sharp until next year!

Baltimore Sun Articles
Please note the green-lined linked article text has been applied commercially without any involvement from our newsroom editors, reporters or any other editorial staff.