Forget Wimpy Negatives Get Down to Real Gubernatorial Mud-Slinging CAMPAIGN 1994 -- THE RACE FOR GOVERNOR

October 23, 1994|By KEVIN COWHERD

Ellen Sauerbrey.

Bad for the environment.

Bad for Maryland.

-- Commercial for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Parris N. Glendening.

My opponent is an old-style politician who's running away from his own record of raising taxes and uncontrolled spending.

-- Commercial for Republican gubernatorial candidate Ellen R. Sauerbrey.

Negative commercials we'd like to see:

Ellen Sauerbrey can run from her environmental record. But she can't hide.

Bad enough that she's voted against every bill to clean up the Chesapeake Bay. Now she's even taken to changing the oil in her lawn mower and tossing it down a storm drain.

You know where that oil eventually winds up, don't you?

That's right: the bay.

Ellen Sauerbrey.

When it comes to the environment, she's worse than the Exxon Valdez.

*

Parris Glendening never met a tax he didn't like. But now he's gone too far.

Now we hear he's considering a flat 5 percent tax on all senior citizens, no matter their financial status.

When asked by an aide why the elderly should assume such an unfair burden, Mr. Glendening reportedly snapped: "Cause I feel like it."

Parris Glendening.

He can really be mean when he wants to.

*

Ellen Sauerbrey just doesn't get it, does she?

Now she's calling for the construction of 5,000 smelting plants to be located in bedroom communities throughout Maryland.

Her stance on violence in our streets?

Don't ask.

One of her plans calls for the distribution of special coupons in high-crime neighborhoods, redeemable at supermarkets for assault weapons.

That's not right.

Vote for Parris Glendening.

He'll come up with a better plan.

*

This fall, the citizens of Maryland have a few questions for Parris Glendening.

What kind of a name is Parris, anyway?

Did his parents try to name him after the city in France?

Can't they spell?

And that's a foreign city, isn't it?

Do we really want the next governor of Maryland to be named . . . Parris?

On Nov. 8, vote "no" to goofy names.

Vote for Ellen Sauerbrey.

*

Ellen Sauerbrey doesn't want to talk about the issues. Now she's reduced to sophomoric jokes about her opponent's name.

We have news for Ms. Sauerbrey: The people of Maryland don't want a comedian as their next governor.

They want a strong, concerned governor -- not someone who routinely throws trash onto highways from the window of her speeding automobile.

Ellen Sauerbrey.

Who does her hair, anyway?

*

Parris Glendening says he's tough on crime. Yet at a secret meeting with his staff on Oct. 2, Mr. Glendening outlined his plans for the proposed renovation of Maryland's prisons.

Each cell would be fully carpeted and contain a big-screen TV and Jacuzzi.

Guards would be prohibited from raising their voices.

Shrimp cocktail and filet mignon would be served daily in the mess hall.

Parris Glendening.

If he's tough on crime, why are all the prisoners rooting for him?

*

Ellen Sauerbrey says she wants to cut taxes. She doesn't tell you that her first order of business will be to close Maryland's orphanages.

RF During a recent visit to one such facility, Ms. Sauerbrey told 200

weeping children, many of them sickly: "You brats better find a new home, pronto!"

Later she screamed: "And there's no such thing as Santa Claus, either!"

This Nov. 8, vote for someone with a heart.

Vote for Parris Glendening.

*

Unbelievable? You betcha. But that's the only reaction possible to Parris Glendening's latest proposal: a flat 7 percent tax on small-business owners and migrant laborers.

Asked what the state would do with the additional revenue generated, Mr. Glendening replied: "Maybe we'll have a big party in Annapolis."

Vote for Ellen Sauerbrey.

She doesn't believe in taxes.

Or parties.

Kevin Cowherd is a columnist for The Baltimore Sun.

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