HERE'S the New York Times' take on the marriage of...

Salmagundi

August 05, 1994

HERE'S the New York Times' take on the marriage of Lisa-Marie Presley to Michael Jackson, in an editorial entitled "Love Story," published Aug. 3:

"Somewhere above reality -- somewhere, let us say, between the earth and the ether -- there lies a land whose only manifestation is in those fabulous tabloids that greet supermarket shoppers just before they reach the cash register. The checkout line becomes a reading room.

"In this land, 99-year-old women give birth to babies almost every day. Some of these women have 15-year-old boyfriends. Others were partnered, if only temporarily, by gentlemen who are not only out of this world but out of this species.

"In this land, a cat eats a parrot -- and talks. A two-headed man holds conversations with himself. A cheating wife's head (she had but one) explodes.

"In this land, life is eternal. The occasional death is reported, true, sometimes accompanied by a photograph of the deceased in his coffin. But very often the dead are seen again, at gas stations or peering in a window or waiting at a bus stop, and they are always looking good.

"This week, the daughter of this land's undisputed king (and most persistent revenant) confirmed the rumors (and the certificate produced by a Dominican judge) and announced her marriage to one of its most prominent residents, a 35-year-old entertainer and friend of its undisputed queen, a violet-eyed beauty (as she is forever known) named Liz. The happy couple, Michael and Lisa-Marie Presley-Jackson, are honeymooning in an apartment lent them by Donald Trump, another regular guest in this land.

"Previously, many readers of these annals did not believe everything reported in them -- the alien impregnations and Martian kidnappings, for instance -- and that story about the baby who was born wearing wooden shoes. Now, perhaps, they do."

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