It's not easy for friends to become lovers

SINGLE FILE

July 17, 1994|By SUSAN DIETZ | SUSAN DIETZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: Your reader Guy T. stated it is difficult for a relationship to become intimate if you are first friends for too long. I believe he makes a salient point. Although there is nothing wrong with male-female friendships and such relationships can be beneficial, if one person wants more than that and the other person doesn't, it can be destructive and emotionally frustrating.

I have had many close platonic relationships with women. When I asked these friends if they could see me as more, I usually got a response such as, "I just never thought of you like that" or, "I love you, but not in that way." I am seeking a girlfriend who can bemy friend and my lover. When I meet a woman whom I see as a potential partner, I agree that we should start out as friends, but I tell her straight out that I need to have more and if the relationship doesn't move in that direction after a few months, I will move on and try to find someone who can offer what I want.

A: In your effort to be honest, you wind up making your date feel replaceable. If she can't fill the bill, your hunt will continue, and she'll be left in the dust. Why even make such an announcement to a prospective lover? Neither she nor the relationship you want has a chance. Time is a necessary investment in a healthy relationship, no matter how it develops.

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