Strength, wisdom could open door to woman's heart


June 19, 1994|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: I'm 31, never been married, but want to be. She's 33, divorced seven years, with a child. We met at the gym and get along extremely well, with common interests and backgrounds.

Things went well for the first few weeks, but now she has a child-support case coming up, and the closer it comes, the more withdrawn and cold she becomes. She won't touch or kiss me. This happened overnight. And now she's beginning to make excuses for not seeing me. She has totally withdrawn from everyone.

After three weeks of this, I was convinced she didn't want to see me, but I couldn't get her to say it. I felt crushed by her actions and when I asked her about them, she would say there's nothing to talk about. I left but called her later only to have her hang up on me. I want the woman I first met. Do you think there's any chance of getting her back?

A: If you continue your games, I doubt it. Games are for children, and you are involved in a real-life adult situation that demands adult responses. This woman sounds anxious about losing her child and has little to give to you at the moment. When the crisis has passed, she may calm down and be more able to talk more honestly. At the moment she needs the support of someone who can offer good judgment and solid support. Be that man.

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