Clinton owes Bush dinner for using his foreign policy

May 30, 1994|By ROGER SIMON

Letters, calls and the roar of the crowd:

Herman I. Milovitz, Pikesville: I have some advice for you, Roger: STOP BEATING A DEAD HORSE!

I have some news for you, Roger: Bill and Hillary Clinton are ARE NOT GODS! They're NOT ROYALTY! They're NOT SAINTS! They're HUMAN!

I have more news for you, Roger: The people, the voters, don't need journalists like you "bugging" them with character assassination over and over and over. THE VOTERS ARE NOT STUPID!

So, rather than engage in "shlock" journalism, why don't you criticize Bill Clinton on more pertinent subjects.

COMMENT: OK, how about this: During his campaign, Bill Clinton savaged George Bush on three points of his foreign policy: Bosnia, Haiti and China.

Today, Clinton has adopted Bush's policy toward Bosnia, Haiti and China.

So don't you think the president could give Bush a little credit? I'm not talking about giving him the Medal of Freedom or anything, but maybe he could invite George and Bar up for dinner.

And that would give Clinton the perfect opportunity to say, "As long as I'm using your foreign policy, George, how about your place in Maine, too?"


Bob Summers, Gainesville, Florida: I would be most grateful if you could take a moment to sign the enclosed card so that I may add your name to my autograph collection. My collection includes many famous writers, and it would be greatly complimented by your original signature.

COMMENT: While I can see (I guess) why people collect the autographs of the truly famous -- I have, for instance, Early Wynn's autograph -- I had never understood why people would want the signatures of semi-obscure people like me.

Then, I met an autograph collector one day, and he let me in on the secret.

"Well, if like you shot somebody really famous someday, then you would be really famous, and your autograph would be really valuable," he said.

Only in America.


Steve Bridge, Catonsville: I am writing to you because I don't know who else to talk to about a crisis that has occurred in the electronic and printed media:

A local sports-driven talk show, the same one that carries the Orioles games, has hosts and guests, some of whom are of significant stature in the world of reporters, who cannot utter a sentence that does not include at least one or more "well, I mean, you know" in it.

Sentences begin with "I mean" when they haven't said anything yet.

COMMENT: I am sorry, but as Winston Churchill once said when he was criticized by a grammarian for ending sentences with prepositions: "This is a problem up with which I cannot put."


Melvin Dwaine Reuber, Columbia: Sometimes I get the address wrong on letters to The Sun. I put 510 instead of 501 and even though The Sun is clearly on the envelope, postal employees can't figure out what to do with the letters. So they return them.

And why that shabby drab Grace Kelly stamp and plain, nondescript AIDS stamp? Why not gorgeous beautiful Marilyn Monroe stamps likes those from Tanzania?

On another subject: Why is it if you are walking around with untied shoestrings a dozen or more women will immediately notice it and tell you about it? Yet it is never noticed by men, or at least they don't tell you about it?

I saw this sign on the side of a van near Harper's Ferry, W.Va.: "If you don't smoke and if you voted for Clinton, I don't want your business."

COMMENT: I think you need some time to decompress, Mel. Some time to relax and smell the flowers and look on the bright side of life.

If you spend all your time worrying about trivial and stupid things, you will surely either go mad or become a newspaper columnist.


Walt Windsor, Baltimore: You certainly are enamored of that 1920s slang word "swell." You weren't even alive then! One never hears it anymore -- thank heavens -- so when are you going to start using 23 skiddoo?

COMMENT: Oh, Walt, you are the cat's pajamas!

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