Avoiding bad dates leaves man with money to spare


May 15, 1994|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: Remember me? I'm the guy who signed his letter "Another nice guy who's given up." Due to an apparent cerebral imbalance, I decided to try dating again. But don't worry -- I got over it. See if your readers can relate to any of these experiences.

One blind date brought her friend along (in case I was a geek, probably) and naturally assumed I would pay for all three dinners and drive them both home.

Another woman told me that if a guy is 20 minutes late for a date, she'll never see him again. This same woman stood me up on our second date, called two days later saying she couldn't get to a phone and asked my forgiveness.

Finally, I had a wonderful first date on which the woman told me I was "so nice" and just what she wanted after a recent flurry of jerks. Not wanting to ruin the evening, I kissed her on the cheek. She, in turn, gave me a long, passionate, intense kiss and said she'd like to see me again. Over the next few weeks she proved how much she liked me by not returning a single phone call!

On the other hand, I've found the perfect way for a guy to get rid of a woman and make sure she never wants to see him again: Give her what she wants, call when you say you will, treat her like a queen, don't be afraid to show your interest in her, listen when she talks, be there for her in bad times, show respect, loyalty and patience. Do these things and she'll bolt into the arms of the nearest jerk faster than you can say "commitment."

On the positive side, I've saved more than $2,000 in the few months since I stopped dating. And here's a final thought: Maybe the reason it seems there are so few nice guys around is that we've all become reluctant to date, due to a lack of appreciation.

A: This follow-up on the perils of being an actively dating man will no doubt draw even more of a response than your first letter. But look at it this way: If you sell the movie rights to your saga and become rich and famous, you'll have tons of women falling at your feet. Seriously, though, this could be an opportunity to learn about investing the money you've saved. Setting your sights on something you can control has a logical outcome that could help you regain your sanity.

Think about it.

Q: I know a woman who married three times using the following strategy:

1. Go to a working man's restaurant at the same time daily, say 7:30 a.m., and leave at the same time, like clockwork.

You'll know two things about all the men there: They have jobs, and no women are fixing their breakfasts.

2. Dress in your conservative best. Read the financial section of the newspaper. Drink two cups of coffee. Leave a generous tip.

3. Pretty soon, someone will crack a joke or ask you to pass the sugar. Completely ignore this man. However, and this is the key, get the license number of the car he's driving. In a day or two, legally, you can find out all about this person's credit rating, estimated income, family, even medical history. (Start your exploration through the Department of Motor Vehicles.)

If you like what you find and are interested in him, answer him next time he speaks to you.

(The woman was so good at this strategy, she worked it out so that the wealthy physician who was to become her third husband got himself introduced to her in the restaurant. She said, "I knew I'd marry him. And he didn't even know my name.")

Q: Thank you for the positive approach to living with herpes in your recent column. It is so important to stress, as you did, that the herpes virus is manageable, and that people with herpes can have healthy, loving relationships.

-- Peggy Clarke, American

Social Health Association.

A: For the record, the phone numbers mentioned:

* National STD Hotline: (800) 227-8922.

:. * National Herpes Hotline: (919) 361-8488.

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