Does anybody actually buy stuff from Sharper Image?

February 21, 1994|By ROGER SIMON

Simon Says:

"Sensitivity" is now the politically correct term for political correctness.

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I suggest President Clinton pursue this for a fairer Japan-America trade deal: They send us their extra TVs and we send them our extra lawyers.

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People who drop a letter in the mailbox and then check to see if it really went down are all over 40.

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When you think about it, the only difference between competing in the luge and lying back on your couch and watching the luge is that your couch is not traveling at 80 mph.

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I would like to declare a 30-day moratorium on people saying: "No way."

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Does anybody actually buy the things in Sharper Image stores, or do they just go in and play with the neat stuff?

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Tonya Harding is both asthmatic and a smoker? Which does she reach for when she has an attack: An inhaler or a cigarette?

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And just in case you thought there was a subject Jesse Jackson did not have an opinion on, here is a quotation from his speech last Thursday:

"How many people were rushing to righteous judgment on Tonya Harding? A mother married six times. Lived in a trailer camp. Called white nigger. Battered child. Battered wife. Her insides must look like broken glass. . . . Whether it is Tonya Harding or Mike Tyson, these are our troubled children acting out their pain."

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Remember: The Gilloolys of today are the Buttafuocos of tomorrow.

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Do pearls really lose their luster if they are not worn?

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Hardcover of the Month: "The Scramble for Africa" by Thomas Pakenham.

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Extra points should be awarded to every TV reporter who got through the last big storm without saying "and the expressway is like a skating rink!"

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Whatever happened to Green Giant commercials? Did they run out of ho-ho-ho's?

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You can tell a lot about where a person grew up by whether he calls it Jell-O or aspic.

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Bookstores that have most of their books spine-out instead of cover-out are not good bookstores to browse in.

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Is it really OK to make change from the collection plate?

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Q: Why did Jeff and Tonya really break up?

A: She found out he was hitting on other women.

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Is This A Great Country or What I: Home Depot now has a bridal registry.

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Why are the pepper mills in restaurants so big? So nobody steals them?

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Is This A Great Country or What II: The fortune cookies in my favorite Chinese restaurant now contain fortunes with lottery numbers on the back. So on the flip side of "Good news will be brought to you my mail," I recently got: 16-42-9-17- 2-44. If you win, I get half.

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Yes, you can cook fish in your dishwasher! According to this month's Fresh Fields newsletter, you take a 3-4 pound whole salmon or char, a bunch of fresh dill, salt, pepper and lemon juice. You put the seasoned fish in a double layer of heavy duty aluminum foil, place it on the top rack of your dishwasher, and then run through a complete wash and dry cycle. And, yes, you can wash your dishes at the same time! Just be "sure to seal the foil tightly!"

If anybody has a recipe for cooking veal paprikash on your car engine while driving between Baltimore and Washington, please call.

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Consider that Harry Truman was our last president who did not go to college. Now consider the presidents since. See what I mean? College is ruining this country.

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If anybody finds a glove, it's mine.

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