Oysterback Tales

January 12, 1994|By HELEN CHAPPELL

Oysterback, Maryland -- Perusing the classifieds in the Oysterback Bugeye:

[Deadline for classifieds is Thursday at noon the week before publication unless Poot has an appointment with his chiropractor and takes the copy to the printer on Friday morning instead. -- ED.]

LOST: in the vicinity of Black Dog Road and Razor Sharp Landing: pearl and gold-plate ankle bracelet as seen on HSN on Saturday night after the Elks Dance. May have fallen out of black Trans-Am. Name plate says Tawnee. Reward. Call 555-1919. If a man answers hang up and try later.

LOST: Miniature poodle, male, dyed Hubba Pink, wearing cute little hot pink and white Angora fluffy sweater, matching tam and painted toenails. Rhinestone collar, name tag: ''Preciousness.'' Last seen vic. Dr. Miller Drive during Wed. afternoon DAR Canasta Club. Very delicate, unused to outdoors, needs special diet doggie food, can't sleep w/o special cushion. Owner distraught. Reward. Call 555-9486.

LOST: Will the Person who took my size-16 dove gray ladies wool coat with the mother-of-pearl buttons off the coat rack down to the Fellowship Hall last Saturday night at the Tater Tot Casserole Covered Dish Casino Night and left a size-10 charcoal gray wool coat not one half as nice please return my coat to the church coat rack? If you do, I will not tell anyone what I found in your pockets. Call Mrs. Reverend Briscoe, Parsonage, Oysterback Hardshell Methodist Church.

LOST: Large ms. ''Socio-historical Overview of Oysterback MD'' in brown paper bag over to the harbor. Only copy, LARGE Reward. See Prof. Shepherd, Blue Crab Tavern any evening.

PERSONAL: Earlene, please come home. The State's Attorney says she won't prosecute if you apologize to Wanda and Mookie and buy a new bug zapper. Carl repainted the Zamboni. All is forgiven I wuv you Tootsieburger. Delmar P.

PERSONAL: Ready To Commit: SWM, 30, ISO S/D/F 25-45. If you like long walks in the rain, the ocean, blazing fireplaces, romantic music, old movies, the Orioles, country living, Trivial Pursuit, nice restaurants and small-engine repair, maybe we were made for each other. Reply w/photo small engine, Box 20.

NOTICE: I, Ferrus T. Buckett, will not be responsible for any debts incurred by me when I am sleepwalking, especially the turkey and mayo subs over to Omar Hinton's and the Cheese Crackers from Ray Bob's Gas'n'Go over to Wallopsville unless I sign for them first. I am serious about this.

NOTICE: The Tuesday Nite Bowling League will meet Thursdays until further notice or the backhoe is recovered. Imogene Pickering, Pres.

NOTICE: Feung Shui Aerobics Class: Learn Chinese interior design while you exercise away that holiday flab. Starts Monday night at the Community Center. See Hagar Jump over to the P.O. for details.

Thank you St. Jude for putting the wart curse on my next door neighbor who bought his punk kid an A.T.V. -- H.H.P.

WILL TRADE: Two tickets to ProFish Bassorama Convention in Ocean City for secret to reaching Level 6 in Super Mario Chamber of Doom. Call Hudson Swann, after 3.

SALE/TRADE: Wash and Wear Designer Label Second Wedding Dress, ivory, size 10, best offer or Elvis Wedgewood Commemorative dinner set for 8. See Desiree, Blue Crab Tavern during business hours. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE THIS MEANS YOU EARL DON.

FOUND: Dog, eating out of the compost and rolling in the manure pile, small, very macho, breed unknown, poss. poodle with bad haircut, habits. Collar, tags lost but responds to ''Butch'' and loves to go gunning, swimming, out w/kids, eat dead crabs. May have rolled in pink paint. Owner may claim by identifying and paying damages, vet bills for my Dobermans. See Doreen Redmond, Curl Up 'n' Dye Salon de Beaute, Oysterback.

Helen Chappell's collection of Oysterback Tales will be published in May by the Johns Hopkins University Press.

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