It's Worse Than We Thought


BROADWAY, VIRGINIA — Broadway, Virginia. -- The forces that rule our world are even more frightening than I thought. That's what I learned during my Christmas drive, as I spun the radio dial through the talk shows. Here are some things I learned from the talk-show hosts and their callers. I can't vouch for their veracity, but all of them went out -- uncontradicted -- over the airwaves.

* The suicide of Vincent Foster, the late counselor to the president, had something to do with an affair he was having with Hillary Rodham Clinton.

* Gennifer Flowers, in 1992, had nothing but goodwill toward Bill Clinton, and intended to remain discreet about their liaison, but came forward publicly only because Mr. Clinton denied their relationship and that denial was hurtful to her.

* Janet Reno, the attorney general, has a criminal record; she was convicted of shoplifting and of five counts of driving while intoxicated.

* The troopers' story of helping Clinton with his infidelities proves that the president is a complete fraud when he purports to have a moral purpose behind any of the proposals he puts forward to address national issues.

* Whether or not Mrs. Clinton was involved with Vincent Foster, she has had a secret relationship with Martina Navratilova, the tennis star who is known to have had other lesbian relationships.

* Attorney General Reno, Secretary of Health and Human Services Donna Shalala and Hillary Rodham Clinton are all long-time buddies, and are all connected with the schemes of the Trilateral Commission.

* The liberal press bends over backward to protect a Democratic president, like Mr. Clinton, from scandal.

* Bill Clinton, notwithstanding the rumors of his womanizing, is in fact gay. The allegations of his sexual dalliances with women are really set up by the Clinton people to distract from that fact.

* * *

One could hardly escape such disclosures. At one time, it was possible to find three or four different programs on different networks, in which this portrait of our national leadership predominated. Half of these revelations came from the program hosts, half from the callers. As I eavesdropped on this national conversation, it seemed as though everybody in the country already knew all this -- except me.

I came of age in the decade that saw the murders of JFK, his brother Robert and Martin Luther King Jr. I recall hearing people of my generation lament at the time that whenever a leader arose who seemed to inspire the hope that we might do things better, ''they'' would assassinate him. In the 1990s, apparently, they bury such leaders beneath an avalanche of character assassination. I suppose that's progress.

Andrew Bard Schmookler is a free lance.

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