Small-screen Santa: Gifts for those who entertain us

December 16, 1993|By Bob Hiaasen | Bob Hiaasen,Staff Writer

If we had to do the holiday shopping for some of TV's most popular characters, what would we get?

* Detective Andy Sipowicz of "NYPD Blue": Long-sleeved, pinpoint Oxford dress shirts from Lands End.

* Detective John Kelly, "NYPD Blue": Boxer shorts -- because we're tired of seeing your backside. Well, some of us are tired of it.

* Maggie O'Connell, "Northern Exposure": Although she never would admit it, Maggie would go goo-goo over Robert James Waller's "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend."

* Dr. Joel Fleischman, "Northern Exposure": Maggie, while high on Waller.

* Marilyn, "Northern Exposure": For the woman who does nothing, the Remote Control Watch that controls the television from your wrist. Marilyn would never have to move again.

* David Letterman: A gift certificate to Home Shopping Network. (Don't think, just go crazy with it, Dave.)

* Conan O'Brien: A monologue.

* Larry King: A day job.

* Roseanne Arnold: Since she and her husband jokingly want to marry a woman and have a three-way marriage, how about a boffo prenuptial agreement?

* Burt Reynolds, "Evening Shade": "My Size Barbie Doll."

* The "Baywatch" cast: Turtlenecks for everyone.

* Frasier: A life.

* Murphy Brown: Anything she wants.

* Andy Griffith, "Matlock": Barney (Fife) doll.

* Jerry Seinfeld: Howard Stern's "Private Parts."

* George, "Seinfeld": Subscription to Glamour -- George's magazine of choice when entertaining himself in the privacy of his own home.

* Kramer, "Seinfeld": Vacuum hair trimmer system. Wait -- he already has one.

* Kathie Lee Gifford: An all-expenses-paid retirement.

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