Unproductive player refunds aren't out of question on this list of sports queries

December 15, 1993|By Phil Jackman

Psssst!

* Doesn't it seem sensible that if you lay out $3-4-5 million for a baseball player's services, he should turn back $100,000 if he doesn't make an All-Star team, or win various awards, instead of the other way around?

* OK, now that NAFTA is just about upon us, what do you think Canada will want for sending Jack Kent Cooke south out of the provinces?

* Seriously, is there anyone outside the "Bubba" state and 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. who truly believes that Arkansas is the top college basketball team in the land?

* How many "What sport is Charlie Ward going to pick, football or basketball?" stories will there be before next June? (A) 357; (B) 5 to the fourth power; (C) 8 million; (D) all the above combined.

* At this very moment, Lefty Driesell and Bobby Knight possess exactly the same number of coaching victories, 623. Which would you pick to handle your team in the last two minutes of a game?

* Speaking of Knight, wasn't it the height of insolence when, told he had to apologize to Indiana University and its fans after his latest Cro-Magnon escapade, "The General" did, but in a written statement read while he was not present?

* Did Larry King and Jon Miller have a falling-out or what? One-man media conglomerate King hasn't plugged the Orioles announcer in his USA Today Monday opus in months.

* Is the "Divine Right of Kings" written somewhere into Maryland's constitutional charge to its governor, or is it just Willie Don's interpretation that leads him to act the way he does with regard to stadiums, teams, counties, etc.?

* Isn't it ironic it was just a few months ago that Ken Hatfield was appointed to a committee to develop a "blueprint for the future of college football." Right now, at least, he has to be concerned with the future of Ken Hatfield after being bounced as Clemson's coach.

* Are you having trouble containing your excitement upon hearing Joe Namath will be the featured performer during the Super Bowl coin toss Jan. 30?

* Can anyone think of a more off-the-wall sponsor for a 4K romp through one of New York City's parks than a limousine service? To qualify for prizes, finishers must wear a business suit and carry a briefcase.

* Isn't Florida coach Steve Spurrier far too innovative and imaginative to coach a team in the NFL?

* Do you believe it, the team leading the best professional soccer league in the world, AC Milan of the Italian League, has scored just 17 goals in 14 games (8-1-5)? And it's expected Americans, who favor 12-10 baseball games and 48-38 football games, will warm to this eventually?

* Speaking of soccer, how many of you remember that yesterday was the eighth anniversary of the longest match ever in the United States, UCLA beating American University in eight overtimes, 1-0, (of course) for the NCAA title?

* How long before the NFL goes the way of the Canadian Football League and introduces the rouge (a one-point punt) into its scoring scheme?

* With 21 teams headed back to bowls and Florida State-Nebraska and Notre Dame-Texas A&M in rematches at the Orange and Cotton bowls, respectively, doesn't it seem as if we're caught in an instant-replay time warp?

* Is Don Elbaum a good fella or what? For his charity boxing show in Aspen, Colo., Dec. 28, the fight promoter will let anyone in free who can prove he was at the last fight in Aspen, a match between Young Corbett II and Frankie Newhouse on May 30, 1900.

* Doesn't it border on the unbelievable that George Selkirk and Bill Dickey both knocked in 107 runs for the 1936 Yankees yet finished just tied for fourth on the team in that department? Up ahead were Lou Gehrig with 152 RBI, Joe DiMaggio with 125 and Tony Lazzeri with 109.

* Who does the NFL think it's kidding with news releases extolling the popularity of its game when weekly attendance figures list thousands of no-shows? For about half their games, the Cardinals, Raiders and Patriots get rid of only about 60 percent of their tickets.

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