A better name for hurricanes

Michael C. McGovern

November 01, 1993|By Michael C. McGovern

EMILY is the name of my 9-year-old niece, a girl who would not harm a fly.

But it is hardly an appropriate tag for the violent storm that loomed threateningly in the Caribbean in September.

Likewise Bob.

No one is going to be frightened by a hurricane called Bob.

Hurricanes should have intimidating names that make people stay home and batten down the hatches.

Bone Crusher, for example, would be a good name. The only problem with Bone Crusher is that it doesn't capture the essence of a storm's particular nature.

Here's a list of names that are not only scary, but also very descriptive:

Hurricane Clinton -- Moves right, then left again.

Hurricane Gergen -- Spins uncontrollably.

Hurricane Powell -- Heads directly for the White House.

Hurricane Nunn -- Travels in a straight line.

Hurricane Bush -- Completely misses Middle America.

Hurricane Perot -- Small but annoying.

Hurricane Dole -- Eliminates roads, bridges and schools; spares only Kansas.

Hurricane Madonna -- Leaves clothes strewn everywhere.

Hurricane Oprah -- Gets smaller, then bigger again.

Hurricane Letterman -- Appears an hour earlier than expected.

Hurricane Chevy -- Fades almost immediately.

Hurricane Wallace -- Hard-hitting, but lasts only 60 minutes.

Hurricane Heidi -- Blows the lid off Hollywood studios.

Hurricane Jordan -- Stops abruptly at its peak.

Hurricane Dykstra -- Devastates Atlanta and Toronto.

Hurricane Foreman -- Devours everything in sight.

Hurricane Steinbrenner -- Threatens to move toward New Jersey.

Hurricane Trump -- Uproots giant maples.

Hurricane Milken -- Leaves a trail of junk.

Hurricane Buttafuoco -- Hits Long Island high schools.

Hurricane Tailhook -- Leaves nothing untouched.

Michael C. McGovern is a writer.

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