Murder Inc.

Art Buchwald

October 18, 1993|By Art Buchwald

KATHERINE Ann Power, the '60s revolutionary who recently turned herself in, has been sentenced to eight to 12 years in prison for her role in killing a policeman. The punishment has had a chilling effect on show business because Judge Robert Banks told her, "I enjoin you and prohibit you from any activity of any nature which can generate profit to you for the crimes you committed."

Literary agents, book publishers, TV and film producers could not believe that a judge would interfere in the biggest growth industry in the country today -- cashing in on heinous crimes committed by heinous people.

An emergency meeting of the No Business Like Crime Business Association was held in New York the other day to discuss Judge Banks' ruling.

Felonious Mahoney, the top literary agent in the country, said, "If this ruling holds up in court I am going to lose my option on the Mextaxos brothers' murder case, the Liza Sharp knifing where she made her husband into a eunuch, the L.A. police mugging trial and the kidnapers of the Tuxedo King of America. My clients are furious at this ruling because they were counting on cashing in. Their lawyers are doubly angry because they agreed to defend these people only because they envisioned big fees. Now the defendants are going to have to return their advances and they will bum-rap me on death row."

Chockflesh, the King of Blood and Guts Miniseries, was also upset. "When the courts start interfering in the entertainment business, you know that this country is losing its moral compass. I've been forced to halt filming on the 'Amy Cinderella Story.' "

"Is she the one who butchered her entire family because her father wouldn't let her stay up until 11:30 to watch the weather?"

"That's the one. She was also having an affair with the school bus driver who was on probation for killing his father. We extended the series for five nights and we're sold out. If we can't put it on, we're going to have to screen a rerun of Jack the Ripper."

A producer from "Hard Copy" said, "If they don't let us air re-enactments of real stories as told by real criminals we'll have to make them up and the public will be the big losers. I propose that we have a class-action suit against the courts maintaining that people who commit vile crimes must be compensated for their behavior.

"We will say that by depriving Katherine Power of her literary and residual income, the judge is taking sides in what is purely a show business matter. Rape, incest, murder and mayhem are as American as apple pie. The stories of those involved must be told if we ever hope to teach people a lesson."

Felonious Mahoney said, "I will go along with anything to protect the literary rights of convicted felons. As Voltaire said, 'I may disapprove of the crimes you have committed, but I will defend to the death your right to sell them to the National Enquirer.' "

Baltimore Sun Articles
|
|
|
Please note the green-lined linked article text has been applied commercially without any involvement from our newsroom editors, reporters or any other editorial staff.