NAMING pro sports stadiums and teams is a screw-loose...

Salmagundi

October 13, 1993

NAMING pro sports stadiums and teams is a screw-loose activity, as recent events in Baltimore make clear.

First we were saddled with "Oriole Park at Camden Yards," a compromise that satisfied former Orioles owner Eli Jacobs and Gov. William Donald Schaefer -- but no one else. (Shouldn't it be changed to Camden Yards, now that Mr. Jacobs is out of the picture?)

Then came the Rhinos and the Bombers. Both are absurd, the latter barely edging out the former in appropriateness.

But Baltimore isn't alone. Get this: The baseball geniuses in Arlington, Texas, have named the new, $176 million home of the Texas Rangers "The Ballpark in Arlington."

No kidding.

"Where is Dr. Kevorkian when we need him?" wrote Rowland Nethaway, senior editor of the Waco Tribune-Herald. He suggested that "The Bigsuit in Arlington" -- George W. Bush, part-owner of the Rangers and son of You-Know-Who -- should go all the way and change the name of his team to "The Ballteam in Arlington."

His own suggestion for the stadium name, Mr. Nethaway said, had been "Homerun-Off-Canseco's-Head Stadium." But that was rejected, probably because the incident occurred in another ballpark.

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