The dryer in the men's room, and other hot items

DAN RODRICKS

August 17, 1993|By DAN RODRICKS

Pieces of column too short to use . . .

Hot air . . . Message on the hand dryer in the men's room of the world-famous Bel-Loc Diner: "To hear a message from your congressman, press button below."

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Forgive me, Ogden Nash . . . 'Tis lost on those of us/ Who find preposterous/ How Boogie thinks a team/ Could be called Rhinoceros.

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I am curious . . . Got a quick question: When you first saw the jump-cut, hot-action TV commercial promoting a certain new movie featuring Harrison Ford as a man-on-the-run named Dr. Richard Kimball, how many of you, before hearing the title, thought the film was based on a true crime story from the '60s?

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Leather pants, no shirt . . . Must be Iggy, right? Not, it's Eddie Murphy. And he's booked to sing at Hammerjack's August 28. Wild stuff. Murphy is huge. (Is there a guy in Hollywood huger?) But I suppose being a film zillionaire doesn't make you, even after three albums, a concert singer. I can just hear the agent now: "Eddie, we love ya, baby, but we can't book ya for the Cap Centre yet!" So he's doing Hammerjack's with Psychedelic Soul, Larry Graham and Niko. This we gotta see and, I suppose, hear.

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Speaking of concerts . . . Last week's James Brown concert at Pier 6 was awesome. James was non-stop energy and the band was totally tight. The backup group -- we think they're called the Bitter Sweets (we didn't buy the $15 program) -- wowed the crowd with an a cappella number.

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Baltimalaprops . . . We heard a man say this: "Every time I tried to get back on the subject at hand, they'd go off on another tandem." A woman was heard to say, in classic Bawlmer accent: "These flars come up every year; they're pre-ennials." And another local horticulturist recently told me he was involved in Baltimore's beautification project to "plant daffodils all along the medium strips."

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Guilty But Mostly Stupid . . . A man carrying a pistol and wearing a blue bandanna over his face showed up at 3:45 p.m. to rob a bank in East Hartford, Conn. Trouble was, the bank closed at 3 p.m. "He stood at the door looking in for a second and then ran away," said a cop. Workers inside the Chase Manhattan Bank of Connecticut saw the guy give a locked door a yank. They called police as he drove off in a small black car. No one was arrested. "We were not amused," said a bank employee. Good thing the guy didn't keep banker's hours, eh?

After a recent column on Chuck Shepherd's new book on dumb crooks, "America's Least Competent Criminals," we got a call from folks on the Eastern Shore about a true-crime comedy destined to be a classic.

Two fellows broke into the United Methodist church in Easton and literally lifted the church safe. They balanced it on an upright vacuum cleaner and wheeled it outside. As they were hoisting the safe to a getaway vehicle, the safe fell on the hand of one of the burglars, severing the tip of one of his fingers. The burglars fled, leaving the finger tip -- and the fingerprint! -- behind. Cops tracked the crooks down simply by checking with the local hospital to see if they'd treated anyone for serious boo-boos of the finger.

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Bumper sticker patrol . . . Spotted on Greenspring Valley Road -- a van with an identity crisis. It had two bumper stickers: "Earth Day 1990" and "Vote Against The Gun Ban." Seen in Carroll County: "This Car Protected by Poodle With PMS."

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Speaking of guns . . . Joseph Farish, Florida attorney and licensed gun toter, was quoted recently in an Associated Press story as saying: "I just carry one under my pillow. It's just a matter of habit, just like I carry a pocket knife in my pocket." 'Scuse me?

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Along Route 50 . . . Joe Bernard, president of Wye River Inc. in Queen Anne's County, continues his protest against McDonald's for offering the public "Maryland style" crab cakes made from crab packed in India. Joe's company used to sell McDonald's the real thing. If you drive by Wye River's office, check out the sign: "Chesapeake Bay, Not Bombay." We hearya, Joe.

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