Q: For 20 years I worked as a bartender. As was only natural, after college graduation there was a plethora of weddings. It fell into my lap every time to arrange the bachelor party.
Each and every best man wanted to have either a stripper or at least some porno films at the party, and I refused each time. All I allowed was good food, good friends and a few drinks. (Preparations were made ahead of time to make sure the "intended" got home safely. . . . Designated driver status was chosen.)
My reason for acting as I did? I felt that if I were celebrating the union of two beloved friends, I would not cheapen that most sacred moment by providing such "entertainment." It really has many more consequences when you are "cheating" before the marriage!
A: Not only were you on the right side of the issue years back, before it was fashionable, but you were one of the few men who saw the issue as one of respect and degradation. Excerpts from other letters on the subject of bachelor parties and strippers:
* My husband and I had a combined party before our wedding, and I am proud that he asked not to have a bachelor party. I think it is degrading to the bride and has to hurt her feelings in some way. If you took a vote you'd see that in comparison, not many women have male strippers at their parties and only in the last few years has it become popular.
I think women only do this to get even, and given a choice, would opt that neither party have dancers. Aren't couples who are getting married supposed to be in love/lust with each other? It's hard enough for everyone to fight temptation and keep their marriages intact. Let's not cause rifts by degrading the bride and patting the groom on the back with these antics.
* You bet it's disrespectful to the bride for her fiance to have a stripper at the bachelor party. These girls do a lot more than strip. If a man feels the need to engage in the ancient "ceremony" of that kind of party, why does it have to include a female in the subservient role? As far as I'm concerned, the bachelor party should not be a last fling. When two people are engaged, the commitment is already there. Therefore a fling is out of line and not an option.
* Let the poor guy have his little bachelor party; it sounds like the rest of his "marriage" will be an uphill pull. I think that his fiance and the others who think like her can't and won't ever be what they really want, . . . which is to be right, meaning "I want all of you to conform to my view of what is right and wrong."
This sort of attitude has never been the basis for a relationship that I would want for myself or any friend of mine. . . . I guess [the bride's] point is to make her groom into what he isn't, and then to say to her friends after the marriage, "He used to do that, but I put a stop to that!"
* When my husband and I were getting married, his "old friends" wanted to give him a bachelor party. I protested and I'm so glad he agreed to forgo it. The "friends" were single, looking for a good time at the strip bars.
What a disrespectful way for a man to prepare for the most important commitment to his new bride!
+ Los Angeles Times Syndicate