The 'Cutting Edge' catalog snips at its 'competitors'

August 07, 1993|By Devin McGhee | Devin McGhee,Knight-Ridder News Service

Staples are becoming a major threat to the environment. According to Jim Becker, Andy Meyer and Doug Meyer, staples are filling up our landfills faster than anything except disposable diapers.

These enterprising men have invented a way to take care of staple waste with their "Green Staple Machine." This little green box transforms staples into coins using the same technology the government uses at the Denver Mint. An environmentally conscious product, it is available only from their new catalog, "The Cutting Edge" (MacMillan).

Available at your local bookstore, this publication takes a shot at that high-tech, yuppie plaything catalog, The Sharper Image. OK, it is not meant to be taken seriously. It's written by the same guys who did "Where's Dan Quayle" and "The Official Book of Thumb Wrestling." This irreverent spoof is good for a few laughs and some of the products are down-to-earth enough to make you think "Wouldn't that be nice?"

Take, for instance, the "Reality Adjusters." Life getting you down? For $99,995.95 (plus $50 shipping and handling), you, too, can own a pair of these sunglasses which will take a "bad" image and alter it or remove it altogether.

Paranoia is not a problem. These guys have come up with something for the exercise freak who is sure that a heart attack is around the corner. You can help him or her feel at ease with the "CycleAlert." This stationary bike lets you know your health status with electronic readouts such as: "Stop immediately -- ventricular fibrillation in progress!"

They have also created products for your favorite pooch. Is your dog home all day alone with nothing to do but chew up your furniture? "Catch Cat!" is the answer. A Nintendo-inspired video game, "Catch Cat!" has 18 levels of cat-chasing difficulty. There are two versions of the game: the "Irish Setter" version for dumb dogs, and the "Terrier & Mutt" edition for clever dogs.

No longer is a pat on the head enough of a reward for all those years of unfailing devotion, now there's "Secrets of Pet Massage," for the truly pampered pooch. However, this video is available only for adults as the canine models are nude.

Not all of the products sound far-fetched. The "Laser-Razor," for instance, offers a clean, close shave without the nicks and scrapes so common with ordinary razors. And the personal "Body Odor Alert System" rates your body smell on a scale of 1 to 100, and flashes helpful hints like "Don't raise your arms!" or, "Shower now!"

Other must-buy items in the catalog are the "Cruncher Big Tires" -- to help you fight your way through traffic -- and, for that extra incentive to exercise, the "HotWalker Treadmill" which literally lights a fire behind you.

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