Special place in his heart for technology, not women


August 01, 1993|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: I'm a single male currently in love with technology. In today's society there is so much of it surrounding us that it is slowly but surely replacing love.

I find I would much rather operate my computer than search for a mate. I would rather utilize my camcorder than go out on a dinner date. I also find myself more in love with my automobile than any woman I've dated. I feel I can trust technology more than I can trust human love.

I know what I'm feeling isn't considered correct in our current society, that the trend is to love another human being, but the kind I've experienced just didn't last as long as my pocket calculator. What can I do? Just wait for the development of

androids? Do I check into Techno-Junkies Anonymous?!

A: Don't budge until I've said my piece -- you need to be reminded of the message behind the wondrous technology of the '90s. Your pocket computer, your camcorder, your beloved automobile are there for your convenience, to make your tasks lighter and more manageable; they are supplements to the stuff of life. But they are not that stuff itself, which is love.

They can't come close to being objects of affection, they can't offer friendship and companionship in any measure. Their metal and glass coincide to function, not to show caring or camaraderie. It is a severe distortion -- and a huge cop-out -- to choose their company over humanoids. Think about it.

Q: I've long suspected you're really male, because you so often present a "male" point of view. Regarding bachelor parties: They are degrading and often degenerate! A stripper is only the takeoff at many such parties, and the unsuspecting bride may find herself with more than "humiliation"!

Would the groom feel insecure and disrespected if the tables were turned? Are you kidding?

A: This is the second time in the 18-year life of this column that I've been mistaken for a man. Am I doing something wrong . . . or right? In this instance, my reaction has been outnumbered and hollered down by so many women (and a few men) who also feel that the custom of bachelor parties has gone the way of all flesh (small pun intended). Most of the single people out there are insulted, affronted and disgusted by the concept of a stripper being at a celebration of an approaching marriage.

I've been hooted down from all states, by all generations, from small towns and large cities. And the letters are still coming in, harpoons from all sides with barbed reactions of all degrees. But this one hurts least, because it proves there is no one viewpoint for each gender.

Q: I couldn't help but respond to the letter from Another Nice Guy Who's Given Up. I agree with you that this gentleman needs to make a mental shift in his view of romantic relationships, but I have to say that I nearly fell off my chair when I read what he said. He certainly hit the nail on the head with his 17 comments about women. All of them true.

Women change everything around, no matter what men do. Now I'm not knocking women; after all, I'm a woman and I think we're great. OK, so we have a few faults, but so does everyone. Still, all in all, the letter was well-taken.

But Susan, perhaps someone can tell me where all the men are who have strong values and morals. I'm a beautiful, exceptionally pretty, full-figured woman, and although your reader was right about a lot of things, perhaps men should rethink some of the demands they make on women. If they are truly looking for equal partners, there are a lot of great women out there -- I know because I'm one of them.

I agreed with your response also. I don't believe he's given up, either. Maybe he's just been looking in the wrong places. Someday it will be worth the effort, if he's willing to make it now.

A: It's so good to hear a woman agree with a man and bend about her gender's failings. To feel part of a super-human master race is a bit unreal . . . and boring. Let's be real, women, we do have quirks and zigzags, and in moderation they can make life zesty. (And irksome, I admit.) But so do men. Thanks for sharing your atypical point of view.

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