MEMOTO: Our gentle Sunday morning readers, clad in silk...


June 27, 1993|By Michael Davis


TO: Our gentle Sunday morning readers, clad in silk pajamas and bunny slippers, sipping espresso from little teeny cups.

FROM: Your executive editor, sitting in his gloriously cluttered-and-knick-knacked office, five stories above Calvert Street, which, from this height, is a target-practice range for pigeons, who hide on ledges here, out of range of those murderous USF&G peregrine falcons.

RE: Sun Magazine's I-Can-Write-a-Romance-Novel-Ending-Better-Than-You-Can contest.

I'm about to make a withdrawal from the favor bank.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Why should we do you a favor, Mr. Big Shot Editor, who keeps writing annoying run-on sentences?

The easy answer is that last year, responding to a reader revolt, I reinstated the magazine crossword puzzle, to the delight of many readers. And, if you'll remember, we brought Elvis back from the dead in doing so.

So, in exchange for all the hours of contentment you've had working the puzzles, which, might I remind you, you receive at no extra charge, I have this one small request: Create a worldwide buzz about our romance-writing contest (details on Page 6), and I'll consider the score even.

How to do this? Here are five suggestions:

1.) After you are done with today's magazine, leave it in a doctor's or dentist's waiting room. It will give patients something to ponder while their lives slip away as they await treatment.

2.) Insert the magazine into the jetliner seatback pocket on a transcontinental flight, where the stupefyingly bored will read it over and over and over.

3.) Call Larry King and tell him all about our little contest (being sure to turn your radio down first).

4.) Sidle up to Bill Clinton in a friendly way, so as not to arouse the instant-death reactions of Secret Service agents, and slip it into his briefcase, removing his copy of the welcoming remarks he is about to deliver to the king of Togo.

5.) Send copies to all the TV network presidents, in envelopes labeled "Script for "Amy Fisher II: Buttafucco's Fury."

One more thing: This is my final week as magazine editor. If you help to make our contest a huge success, and inflate my legacy, they'll likely erect a statue of me in front of the Sun Building. For pigeon target practice, of course.

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