Debate rages about having stripper at bachelor party

SINGLE FILE

June 20, 1993|By SUSAN DIETZ

Q: I have twin sons; one was to marry and the other to be his best man. As best man, he asked his father to send invitations to the guys invited to the bachelor party. The men were asked over to the best man's apartment, where beer, pizza and snacks were available. He hired a van to drive them to strip joints, where the prospective groom was to be teased by the girls. Everyone had a fun time. No hanky-panky to worry about.

No one got rowdy, and everyone got home safely. The groom was happy, the bride was happy, and it was the best man's gift to his brother, the groom. This may be the perfect solution to the Long Island bride who is upset about a stripper at her fiance's bachelor party.

And from Indianapolis:

There are so many ways to celebrate an impending marriage instead of sitting around watching a woman dance naked. I don't think that being upset about a stripper has anything to do with a lack of trust. I think the issue is about sharing feelings, and giving to each other. If a man loves a woman enough to marry her, I would expect him to be willing to plan another form of entertainment at his party because she feels so strongly.

I've given my partner hints about my feelings toward strippers and pornographic movies at bachelor parties. When our wedding day is closer, I will sit down with him and suggest alternatives to those outlived traditions, and I expect him to respect my wishes.

From the Midwest:

A while ago my boyfriend planned to attend his friend's bachelor party at a strip bar. I couldn't understand how he, a sensitive and caring man in his mid-30s, could endorse such treatment of women. But I didn't let anyone know it bothered me. I was told these parties are harmless events and they don't mean anything except a chance for men to feel they did something only men can do and a chance to make private jokes among themselves in the days following.

The day of the party I did a lot of talking to myself and consoled myself with the advice I was given. I felt I did a pretty good job of following the advice until the evening following the party, the rehearsal dinner. Almost immediately after arriving at the restaurant, my boyfriend and I were greeted by the groom's brother who said to him, "I didn't recognize you without a breast around each ear." I have never felt so disgusted.

If we are continually told to ignore our feelings, and if the men we choose to marry do not care if they cause us pain, how can we hope that the men who are our neighbors, the men we work with, the men who teach and influence our children will ever treat our feelings as real?

And still another point of view:

I myself have never been married, yet I attended numerous bachelorette parties for friends. Recently we rented a very nice stretch limo and drove the bride-to-be to a stripper bar where men take it all off for the women. My friend enjoyed herself, and it was a totally innocent evening.

, It is not only the men these

days who have wild send-offs!

A: Seventeen years ago when I started this column, I was told I would learn lots from my readers -- provided they took the time to share their thoughts. Well, this is one issue that provoked many people to write. Thanks for being wise and gentle teachers.

*

Nutrition news: All right, so I'm obsessed with singles' nutrition // habits. I admit it. But why not care about what you put into your body? Trouble is, too many of us use our bodies as garbage cans. Not on purpose, usually, but because we're too busy, too tired, too frantic in our quest for finding the Right One.

While finding the right match is not always (or usually) under our control, it makes sense to control those parts of our lives that we can control. Changing our eating habits is one of them.

For an illustrative nutrition guide, I suggest you write to CSPI (Center for Science in the Public Interest), 1875 Connecticut Ave. N.W., Suite 300, Washington, D.C. 20009, and ask for the "Healthy Eating Pyramid," a three-dimensional ally in the battle against junk food. Put it where it can be seen every day -- in the kitchen, near the fridge?

Los Angeles Times Syndicate

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