Project Pussycat: Cat-astrophe in the White House

BRUCE McCALL

May 25, 1993|By BRUCE McCALL

Hillary Clinton has yet to approve a reply to send to the many people writing to Socks, the Clintons' cat.

--News item.

* * *

Saturday

TO: HilClin

FROM: Project Pussycat

RE: Sox Letter, Draft 7

Sorry that this project has dragged on so long. FYI, Chelsea OK'd this version via telecon. Frankly, we like the tonality a lot! Comments?

Dear Fellow Citizen,

Great balls of fur! You're the ''cat's meow'' for writing to me! Regards from the Purr-esident and family!

Your feline friend,

Socks

* * * Sunday

TO: HilClin

FROM: Project Pussycat

RE: Sox Letter, Draft 12

Trust ''idiotic drivel!'' comment on previous not First Lady's handwriting! Fuller briefings via HilClin office has resolved misunderstandings, as per attached:

Dear Fellow Citizen,

The President, Mrs. Clinton and Chelsea join me in personally thanking you for your interest.

Cordially,

Socks

* * * Monday

TO: HilClin

FROM: Pussycat Project

Re: Sox Letter, Draft 16

Correct -- somebody goofed! A junior writer (ex-junior writer!) failed to route Draft 15 thru channels. Your assistant's input very helpful. Comments?

Dear Fellow Citizen,

In this time of economic hardship, the fact that you would spend 29 cents to write to me is proof of the importance Americans attach to family and pets and home and hearth. Bless you.

Warmly,

Socks

* * * Tuesday

TO: HilClin

FROM: Speech-writing Staff

RE: Sox Letter, Draft 17

The new team has read the file and, as your assistant predicted, decided on a whole fresh kick at the cat:

Dear Feline Fan,

Socks has asked me to thank you for helping stimulate the accelerating economy by spending 29 cents on a postage stamp to send a letter -- which the U.S. Postal Service delivered in no time! -- with your comments. Could Socks ask that you contact your senator or congressperson to indicate support for the president's other favorite ''pet,'' a sweeping new health-care program?

Thanking you in advance, I remain,

Special Assistant to Socks

* * * Wednesday

TO: HilClin

FROM: Communications Dept. East Wing

RE: Sox Letter, Draft 22

Thanks for ''clearing the air.'' Something about seeing Socks' food dish fly crystallized the issue. We've licked it!

Dear Friend,

At a time when the president and even his family are under gratuitous attack by partisan political forces here in Washington and elsewhere, you're a real ''pussycat'' for writing with such warmth and cheer. With your support for equal rights, economic revival, national health care and PAC reform, the Clinton household will feel a little cozier tonight!

Sincerely,

Socks

* * * Friday

TO: HilClin

FROM: Cat Crisis Center, West Wing

RE: Sox Letter, Draft 29

Frankly, we're all a bit ''cat-atonic'' at this point. Was your scribbled comment ''Write more like a cat'' or ''Written by a moron cat?'' Meanwhile, try this on for sighs!

Dear Two-Footed America,

Take it from me, you're the cats pajamas!

Socks

* * * Saturday

TO: All White House Personnel

FROM: HilClin

RE: Sox Letter

We need a suitable reply to the thousands of people who have written to Socks -- something brief and friendly that could fit on a postcard. I'm dying to see what you do with this fun assignment!

Bruce McCall wrote this article for the Los Angeles Times.

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