Simon says, don't bet on Schmoke as governor

ROGER SIMON

May 09, 1993|By ROGER SIMON

Simon Says:

Women who wear scarves well are always admired by other women.

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If it weren't for weddings, there'd be no reason for electric woks.

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Don't bet on Kurt Schmoke running for governor in 1994. The odds are no better than 50-50. True, that's better odds than you can get playing Keno, but Keno is so much more fun.

If he doesn't run, Prince George's County Executive Parris Glendening will be smiling because of all the support he'll pick up that would have gone to Schmoke.

Frowning will be William Donald Schaefer, who probably wants to run for mayor of Baltimore in 1995, but would have a tough time unseating Schmoke and might abandon the idea.

And City Council President Mary Pat Clarke? I figure her to run for mayor in 1995 no matter what.

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It happens every time: You buy something because it's reversible and then end up using only one side.

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I only mention it because Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., was forced out of the 1988 presidential race because of plagiarism:

On April 29, Frank Murray of the Washington Times wrote of Bill Clinton's first 100 days in office: "But he could have done worse -- William Henry Harrison died on Day 32 of his administration."

Then on May 1, Clinton brought down the house at the White House Correspondents' dinner by saying: "I'm not doing so bad. At this point in his administration, William Henry Harrison had been dead for 68 days!"

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Princess Di is still jake in my book.

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A real marriage saver: those toothpaste tubes with the tops attached.

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It's always a crisis the first time a salesperson calls you "Ma'am" instead of "Miss."

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You know you're old if you can remember when $6 worth of groceries made the bag too heavy to lift.

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Let me get this straight: If the Serbs accept our peace proposal, the United States will immediately land tens of thousands of troops in Bosnia as peacekeepers.

But if the Serbs reject our peace proposal, we will not land troops, because we don't want them to get bogged down.

In other words, if the Serbs want to keep the United States out of Bosnia, they should reject peace and take war. No wonder our State Department is located in a place called Foggy Bottom.

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In marriages, years 1, 4 and 7 are the critical ones. If you get past 7, you can probably coast until 15. Then watch out.

A good joke to avoid at all times: "Of course, I don't mind that you're turning 40. I just figure I'll trade you in on two 20-year-olds!"

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If your bath towels are monogrammed, you may want to re-examine your life.

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Freckles will never go out of style.

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The way the White House has treated Harvey Meyerhoff is indefensible. Right before the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum opened last month, the Clinton people announced they were dumping Meyerhoff as chairman of the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Council. They could have waited.

And what, by the way, was Meyerhoff's sin? He didn't want to invite the president of Israel to speak at the dedication because he wanted the American president to be the only president to speak at an American museum dedication.

Not only is this no reason to publicly humiliate Meyerhoff, but when you think about it, Meyerhoff was probably right.

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Couples who constantly eat out are afraid to stay home with each other.

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Why isn't golf an Olympic sport? It's no duller to watch than synchronized swimming.

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I don't know whether this is good or bad, but I now get more catalogs in the mail each day than bills.

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Want to know how to make a small fortune on the stock market?

Start with a large fortune.

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