Odd court ruling, creative fish food and other tidbits

DAN RODRICKS

April 29, 1993|By DAN RODRICKS

*TC Pieces of column too short to use:

Wait. Hold on. I'm having mental blockage! Somebody help me. The Maryland Court of Appeals has reversed the murder convictions of two men in the Jay Bias murder, saying the case was tainted because prosecutors attempted during jury selection to keep women off the panel. But the trial jury ended up having eight women and four men. And this was an unfair trial? Oy. I'm slapping my forehead. My eyes glaze over. This is a system?

*

Questioning the government is one of the great American pastimes, and mostly it's healthy -- in a democracy, it's downright therapeutic. I'm all for it. But hey, give us a break with the second-guessing at Waco. Spare us, in particular, the smug hindsight of journalists. I've heard all I can bear from columnists who think they could have done a better job busting David Koresh and saving the children in the Branch Davidian compound. They've confused real life with a made-for-TV movie plot. Enough!

*

Baltimalaprop: A guy named Shorty was overheard to say he buys his "lubricated columns" at Rite Aid. Coming soon: Syndicated condoms.

*

Captain Tom Hallock evidently is back in business with a new boat. He used to run parties out of the Inner Harbor aboard the 60-foot motor yacht Myrtle Kate -- Arthur Godfrey was the original owner -- until debt and, among other things, a bad mooring location sank the venture late last year. Now Captain Hallock, who used to conduct "weddings at sea," is offering "reverential scatterings" of human remains at sea. (That's assuming his boat gets out beyond the Patapsco.) Trading under the title Life Beyond Inc., Hallock advertises his service as "an ecological alternative" to letting your or a loved one's "cremains" waste away in an urn on a mantel or in an attic. "Environmentally safe ash minerals aid sea life," he says. "Give those cremains back to nature." Hey, baby, anything for the rockfish.

*

The motto of John's Gutter Cleaning Service: "Call me today and I'll be on top of your house this weekend." Better yet was John's recent pitch, on a flier circulated in North Baltimore: "Five excellent reasons why you should let me clean your rain gutters . . . 1. You don't have a 36-foot ladder. 2. You don't like 36-foot ladders. 3. It's a dirty and dangerous job. 4. I'm cheap -- $35. 5. I need money for my honeymoon."

*

Good news: The weekend flea market has returned to Memorial Stadium -- despite the city's chowderheaded attempts to stop it. Check it out at Loch Raven and 33rd.

*

This just in! And boy, I can't wait to read it, either. It's a new book called "Travesty: A True Crime Story," how the Federal Bureau of Investigation set out to "get" Lyndon LaRouche. It was a conspiracy, you know, involving "criminal activities" and an "obscene relationship between the Justice Department, the Anti-Defamation League and Cult Awareness Network." A letter plugging the book was signed by Lawrence K. Freeman, Southern coordinator for the LaRouche movement and former candidate for Baltimore mayor. Get a life, Larry!

*

A reader reports seeing an amusing juxtaposition of bumper stickers on a car in Baltimore: "There was 'Think Globally/Act Locally' (the one with the little green Earth) next to a membership sticker for the National Aquarium, your favorite home for trapped whales and dolphins!"

*

Mickey Light is uncharacteristically bummed out. Baltimore's fab Sinatra impersonator wrote to Frank to see if he could spring for a couple of tickets and maybe grant an audience when he played Atlantic City recently. Mickey has been an ardent fan for years and his act is as much a tribute as it is shtick. Mickey deserved a meeting. He at least deserved tickets. "Not a word" was what Mickey heard. "I'm thinking of changing my act to a Pee-wee Herman imitation."

*

Asked yesterday by a reporter nosing for news if anything significant had occurred overnight, the desk sergeant at the state police barracks at Golden Ring reported: "Elvis sighting, 7 Eleven, Middle River." Watch this space for further developments.

Baltimore Sun Articles
|
|
|
Please note the green-lined linked article text has been applied commercially without any involvement from our newsroom editors, reporters or any other editorial staff.