Stand back, I must deal with the roar of my crowd

ROGER SIMON

February 01, 1993|By ROGER SIMON

Letters, calls and the roar of the crowd:

Jeffrey Tallman, Lubbock, Texas: Your recent column graphically illustrates your ignorance on the gays in the military issue.

In the military, personnel can be punished for taking part in "high risk" activities that may cause harm to them or others. Some of these high risk activities include: failing to wear seat belts on base, failing to protect oneself from sunburn, and refusing to get a flu shot.

This protects the investment the military has made in its personnel to insure a viable fighting force.

Gays . . . participate in extremely "high risk" behavior. You have a group of people bent on self destruction.

COMMENT: If gays are banned from the military because their behavior might damage the Army's investment in them, then how come the military allows its personnel to smoke?

The death rate from lung cancer is about the same as the death rate from AIDS.

Further, while there are safe ways to have sex, there are no safe ways to smoke.

*

Father Charles D. Ara, Cerritos, Calif.: I enjoyed your article on Hugh Hefner. Believe it or not, I am the priest who performed his wedding on July 1, 1989.

My own life has undergone many changes like Mr. Hefner. I am an older father and my children also call me "daddy."

Enclosed are some materials about my life. I think my story of how I traveled from the Vatican to the Playboy Mansion would be fascinating.

COMMENT: Ara was on the "Pat Sajak Show" four times and, according to the Los Angeles Times, "Sajak joked that he could not shut Ara up long enough to get a word in himself."

But the Los Angeles Catholic Archdiocese does not still recognize Ara as a priest, quite possibly because he got married in 1970 and has five children.

But Ara "regards himself as an ordained Catholic minister and consequently empowered by the state to perform weddings."

But what if his weddings are not really legal? That would mean Hef and Kimberley might be living in sin!

Oh, my gosh! Somebody call "Hard Copy"!

*

Abigail Van Buren, "Dear Abby," Los Angeles: If Pat Buchanan had written [a column on how Bill Clinton was not completely candid about his draft history] I would not have been surprised.

But you! Whatever got into you?

You just lost an admirer.

COMMENT: I'm sorry to hear that, but I always thought Ann Landers gave better advice anyway. Which is why I always have the toilet paper go over the top of the roll rather than fall behind it.

*

John Barbara, Glen Burnie: I read with amazement your column in which you say you abide by "one of the oldest rules of journalism: The only way for a journalist to look upon a politician is down."

A journalist looking down on a politician? To look down on anyone one must be above the other. In social or moral terms journalists are no better than politicians.

Deflate your pompous attitude. What makes a journalist, especially some of the blatantly biased writers on the staff of The Sun, any better than one of our [scoundrels] on the Hill in Washington?

COMMENT: Speaking for columnists, the difference between us and politicians it that while they are elected to office by the people, we rule by divine right.

*

Edward Caldicott, Westminster: You wrote: "Cabinet members marched in to see him [Mayor Schmoke] wearing long black coats and snap-brim hats." That must have been quite a sight, the mayor wearing long black coats and hats.

I guess you meant: "Cabinet members wearing long black coats and hats marched in to see him."

My wife and I make a game out of finding just such garbled sentences in the papers. Don't writers re-read their material after writing it?

Were your columns missing from The Sun for a while in recent weeks? Or did I just miss them?

COMMENT: Well, excuse me, Eddie, but I think anybody who can grasp the concept of grammar ought to be able to grasp the concept of vacation.

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