Simple steps to segue from a solo to duet


January 03, 1993|By Niki Scott

If you're single and uncoupled, this is a perfect time to resolve that the New Year's Eve just past is the last one you'll spend playing Parcheesi with your cat.

Here are seven suggestions from the real experts -- the recently coupled working women I've met this year who answered the question, "How were you able to find a loving relationship with a member of the opposite sex at a time when so many people can't seem to?"

* Stop being obsessed with your appearance -- or anyone else's. How you look to a member of the opposite sex may matter for the first 10 seconds after you meet, but after that it's what you are that counts -- and if this isn't true, you don't want to be involved with him anyway.

* Make a list of the personality traits you'd like to see in a mate and cultivate them in yourself. Ask yourself -- often! -- if you're the kind of person you would like to date.

Are you positive, cheerful, a good listener? Are you considerate, friendly, interesting to talk to, willing to let someone else be the center of attention as often as you are?

* Stop waiting for men to make the first move. Most of the single men in an audience to which I spoke this year were adamant in their wish to have women shoulder some of the burden -- and take some of the risk of rejection -- when it comes to asking for a date.

* Don't take a turn-down personally. This may sound like an impossible goal, but it can be achieved.

Practice saying to yourself, as often as it takes, "This has nothing to do with me. It has to do with the other person's history, preferences, personality quirks, emotional state, but it does not signify that there's anything wrong with me."

* Develop interests outside of work that involve groups of people and pursue them avidly. Don't do this to meet men; do it fTC because these activities truly interest and stimulate you. It's when we're not looking for a mate that we're most likely to find one, and it's when we're doing something that excites and fulfills us that we're the most attractive.

* Finally, be yourself. You can't possibly guess what other people want from you -- or succeed in being someone you're not.

Universal Press Syndicate

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