In search of a strong man


November 15, 1992|By SUSAN DEITZ

Q: I've been reading your column for several years and never dreamed that I would ever write.

I'm a strong female who can bend, but I attract weak men who ultimately resent my strength. Why is that? I'm in my mid-40s, that generation that straddled the fence to be a housewife/mother or a career/housewife/mother.

The years I spent at home were years of frustration. When I finally won the right to an education and to work outside the home, I paid the supreme price: divorce. Husband No. 2 was drawn to that strength.

I can be both the loving homebody and the career woman; he didn't suffer, I did. The more I gave, the more he took, the less I received. He wasn't about to change, and I was tired of always compromising. You guessed it: divorce No. 2.

Why can't I find a strong man who will let me be soft and strong?

A: You give the impression of being Superwoman with unlimited capabilities. That can attract weaker men who view your strength as parasites would their host; there is very little you would gain from a relationship that lopsided. But I wonder about your inner strength, and whether you are using it more as a defense, which brings negative results.Talk about it with a counselor, and come to a clearer understanding of your limits and strengths.


Resources for people with HIV infection as well as those who live with or love them:

* CDC National AIDS hotline: (800) 342-2437 or (800) 344-7432 (in Spanish). Operated by the Federal Centers for Disease Control, it provides confidential and anonymous information and referrals local health organizations, counselors and support groups. The CDC National Clearinghouse, P.O. Box 6003, Rockville, 20849, provides free educational materials on HIV and AIDS.

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