Gymnasts literally turn their frowns upside down

Roger Simon

August 03, 1992|By Roger Simon

Simon Says:

Nobody who doesn't own a horse should own a cowboy hat.

*

If it were much more fun to earn money rather than spend it, most of our problems would be solved.

*

You can tell a lot about a person by where he sets the buttons on his car radio.

*

Why do so many of the young women Olympic gymnasts look so unhappy? Could it be that they are?

*

Washington Whispers: George Bush left the door open for Dan Quayle to step off the Republican ticket, but Quayle declined to walk through it. (Marilyn would have killed him.)

One man Bush really wants: Gen. Colin Powell, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Powell says he doesn't want the job, but some say he wants to become America's first black president and this would be the best way to get there.

*

You don't get funnier than Chris Elliott.

*

I hope those who bought the Olympics TripleCast go outside and engage in a little physical activity now and again instead of just watching some.

*

True Confessions: I have had impure thoughts about Elizabeth Shue.

*

It doesn't really matter if Dan Quayle can spell potato, just as long as he keeps on acting like one.

*

People who do jigsaw puzzles are much more content with life than they let on.

*

Is there some rule against restaurants serving good veal in the Eastern Time Zone states?

*

Since when did David Letterman start doing beer commercials? I'd think any beer he endorses might explode in your hand.

*

How come we are talking about U.S. military intervention to end the civil war in Bosnia-Herzegovina when we have ignored civil wars in Africa for years? Is there something about European lives that make them more special to us than African lives?

*

I predict the State Board of Education's well-intentioned but wrong-headed attempt to make volunteerism mandatory for high school students will be abandoned or heavily modified within five years.

*

Hardcover picks of the month: "Lincoln at Gettysburg: The Words That Remade America" by Garry Wills and "Marching in Place: The Status Quo Presidency of George Bush" by Michael Duffy and Dan Goodgame.

Paperback picks of the month: "Second Sight" by Charles McCarry, "A Soldier of the Great War" by Mark Helprin and "The Mother's Almanac Revised," by Marguerite Kelly and Elia Parsons.

*

In a few months we will look back on Bill Clinton's huge lead in the polls and laugh. Or cry.

*

The funny thing is that it's worth it: A baseball card shop in Laurel tells me that a Sandy Koufax rookie card now goes for $1,200.

*

Why would any doctor use MD plates? It just makes your car a target and the police are going to give you tickets anyway. They know doctors don't make house calls anymore.

*

If somebody could figure out a way to dry-clean a tie without ruining it, he could make a fortune.

*

The best hotels don't put their name on the soap. That's so you can use it at home for your guests.

*

There is no sillier looking Olympic event than the triple jump.

*

It has been reported that the governor's personal state troopers, some of whom allegedly spend their time walking the governor's dog, Willie, have racked up $190,000 worth of overtime in the last two years.

If so, I say it's time to put some prunes in Willie's Alpo.

*

You read it here first: The Bobby Fischer/Boris Spassky chess match will end in tragedy.

*

Men who can't dance always marry women who can.

Baltimore Sun Articles
|
|
|
Please note the green-lined linked article text has been applied commercially without any involvement from our newsroom editors, reporters or any other editorial staff.