New Orleans. -- I don't know what dogs do elsewhere in the dog days of summer, but here they just lie down and melt in furry puddles that bite when you step on them. Even police dogs are out of commission right now, so the police are training pigs to do dogs' jobs. A narcotics-sniffing Vietnamese pot-bellied pig named Tootsie and her porcine partner, Baby Doll, were introduced by the New Orleans police to the press.
At approximately the same time, a police surveillance team sans pig swooped down on two lovers smooching over a parking meter. When the lovers unclasped they clinked something fierce and all the coins in the meter spilled. Apparently, the Kiss and Steal couple had been ripping off meters for years by kissing over them.
A parking meter as an aid to passion is not a bad idea, but now it turns out that erections don't depend on passion but on nitric acid. Researchers at Hopkins isolated this chemical that causes erections in both males and females. The rats injected with this nitric acid all got erections. The next step, I suppose, is to try this acid on something larger like, let's say, narcotics-sniffing pigs. This would make press conferences in the dog days a lot more entertaining.