18 holes before lunch

OLYMPIC CONFIDENTIAL

July 29, 1992|By Kevin Cowherd

DREAM TEAM UPDATE -- Preparing for tonight's game against Germany, U.S.A. squad played 18 holes of golf before participating in traditional Barcelona pie-eating contest. Marring the afternoon: Thuggish Charles Barkley assaulted a caddie with a 9-iron, claiming the boy handed him the wrong club for an approach shot.

HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE -- Irish cyclist Colleen Doherty lists Sally Thorner of NewsChannel 2 ("Friends You Can Turn To") as her idol, and plans to ask Ms. Thorner to provide room and board on her next visit to United States.

HERE WE GO AGAIN -- Canada becomes latest opponent to lodge protest against U.S.A. volleyball team, accusing Americans of "making funny faces" during key points.

CHUCK WHO? -- In the unlikely event the Dream Team fails to win the gold medal, U.S.A. coach Chuck Daly has quietly made plans to enter the Federal Witness Protection Program. He would share a small apartment somewhere in the Midwest with Gotti turncoat Salvatore "Sammy the Bull" Gravano.

THAT SMARTS -- Ignoring frantic signals from maintenance men, Iraqi diver Abdullah Hassan proceeded with an early-morning workout, only to discover the pool had been drained the night before. He is listed in fair condition at a local hospital.

Each weekday through the end of the Olympics, humor columnist Kevin Cowherd will provide news and views about the games -- as seen from his sofa.

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