Why are we here? . . .

July 08, 1992|By (From the "Late Night with David Letterman" Book of Lists.)

10. To invent, perfect and mass produce the sneaker phone.

9. So dogs and cats don't have to work for a living.

8. To tremble at the terrible beauty of the stars, to shed a tear at the perfection of Beethoven's symphonies . . . and to crack a cold one now and then.

7. To give the porpoises someone to feel superior to.

6. To convert useless oxygen into valuable carbon dioxide.

5. To provide cheap entertainment for the Neptunian Telescope People

4. Lather, Rinse , Repeat.

3. To purchase the fine books and magazines of Time Warner Inc.

2. I think it has something to do with proteins or amino acids or something.

1. To polka, baby, polka.

. . . And the top 10 MTV contests

10. Win Stuff Found in ZZ Top's beards.

9. Do time For James Brown.

8. Locked-in-Sting's-Car-Trunk Fantasy Weekend.

7. A Date With Cher (must be under 16 years of age.)

6. Win Michael Jackson's Old Nose

5. Actually Get to Be One of the New Monkees -- Not for A Day, but Forever.

4. 100th CAller gets to Have Dinner With 101st Caller.

3. Shirt Shopping with Paul Shaffer.

2. Peter, Paul and You!

1. Try on Meat Loaf's Pants.

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