Women are getting way too choosy about life

Mike Royko

July 06, 1992|By Mike Royko

"Why are all those women so mad?" asked Slats Grobnik, gesturing at the TV set. "The old man stop for a few after work?"

No, it is far more serious than that. They are an anti-abortion group, furious because the Supreme Court has upheld the right of women to get abortions.

The TV switched to another angry group of women.

"Now what's this bunch mad about?"

They are a pro-abortion group, and they are furious because the Supreme Court has upheld a few restrictions.

"Like what?"

A 24-hour waiting period. Parental consent for teen-agers. And women being told what their options are, such as adoption, and what kind of medical and financial help is available if she has the baby.

"Wait a minute, I don't get it."

Get what?

"I can see how the anti-abortion crowd would be mad because abortions are still legal, right?"

That's what the court said.

"Then if they're legal, what's the other side got to beef about?"

They don't like any kind of restrictions. They feel it is a threat to their control over their own bodies.

"Waiting 24 hours? Nowadays, you got to wait 24 hours for everything. It takes longer than that to get a tooth drilled or your car tuned up. So what's the big rush? And what's wrong with telling some girl about financial help or that there are people who want to adopt kids?"

They believe that is not society's business to intrude on their right to control their own bodies.

"Hey, when the draft board told me I was gonna go fight in Korea, that was messing with my right to control my body, because I guarantee you, I didn't want my body being shot up by no Chinese commies. So I wind up putting in two years with society, by way of the government, telling my body where it's going to go and what it's going to do. If I want to stick a needle in my arm and shoot up with dope, that's illegal. Even though that arm is part of my body, right?"


"See, that's what bothers me about this abortion fight. These people don't always make sense."

Which side?

"Both sides. They're not always, what'ya call it, consistent?"

In what way?

"Well, the one side says they are pro-life. Now, does that mean that they're against frying someone in the electric chair?"

I would doubt that.

"That's what I thought, because I know a few of the pro-life ladies and they want to hang 'em high. And were they against us dropping bombs and killing women and children in Iraq because we wanted to put this rich emir back on his throne in Kuwait?"

I would guess that they were part of the mainstream of public opinion that delighted in the triumphs of our heroic video war.

"That's what I think. So when they say they're pro-life, it all depends on what life, right?"

Yes, the unborn.

"And don't get me wrong. I don't have any trouble with that. Especially when I read that there's been 26 million abortions in the last 19 years. You know what that works out to on my pocket calculator?"


"Yeah, more than 26,000 a week. About 3,700 a day. About 156 an hour. Almost three a minute. Think about it. Every 20 or 30 seconds, there's an abortion. Are there really that many people whose lives are gonna be ruined if they have a kid? I'm supposed to believe that it's a disaster if they gotta wait 24 hours?"

But it is a question of choice, which is why they call themselves pro-choice.

"They don't sound like they're in favor of a choice if they're in a flap because they don't want some young girl to wait 24 hours or to listen to what somebody's got to say about her options. Another thing -- how do they feel about frying John Gacy, that serial killer who buried his victims under his house?

What does he have to do with it?

"Well, I noticed something. Some women I know who are in favor of abortion are against the death penalty, and that don't make sense to me. How can you be in favor of killing some harmless little thing in a woman's tummy but you get all weepy when they pull the switch on some ax murderer?"

Well, maybe they believe that the decision as to whether John Gacy is executed should be made by his mother.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense, kind of a pro-choice thing."

Right. So, where do you stand?

"On what?"

Abortion. Are you for it or against it?

"Forget it. If I say I'm against, then they'll say I'm in favor of killing women, right?"

It wouldn't surprise me.

"And if I'm for it, they'll say I'm a baby-killer, right?"

Almost a certainty.

"So you're not gonna corner me. There's one thing I'm sure of, though. We got to check on the diets of American women."

What do their diets have to do with it?

"If there's been 26 million abortions over the last 19 years, they should try eating more brain foods."

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