Oysterback, Maryland. -- We was all right, Huddie, I swear we was. Wade and Mookie and I only had about seven, eight beers apiece. Besides, it wasn't our fault that Wade had the gun. He'd just bought it offen a guy down the road and hadn't finished up the paperwork on it, that's all.
It wasn't really concealed, he had it stuck in his belt. You just couldn't see it when the cops pulled him offen the truck 'cause his jacket fell down over it. They was no call to throw him up against the door like that, and that's what I told the judge, too.
Hell, all we was gonna do was go bass fishin' over to Tom's pond up to Windy Hill, but we got over to Tom's and his old lady told us not to go fishin' there because they had a whole bunch of swans layin' around the pond, and they didn't want 'em all riled up. You know what swans is like when they gets all riled up and they're nestin'?
I knew you did, I was with you that time back up to Dunn's Cove when you had to beat that ole buck swan off with an oar. That scar never did heal up, did it?
Well, hell, Huddie, we was all right, I swear we were. We just had a coupla 12-packs and them coupla joints of Mookie's, and we hadn't even smoked them yet when we decided that if we couldn't fish over to Tom's pond, we'd go on down to the Cove and see what we could do for ourselves. I mean, we weren't drunk or nothin.'
We only had eight, ten beers apiece and Mookie ain't supposed to drink at all because he's still takin' them antibiotics after that other thing with Crystal, so he had them joints on him, but it were only a little weed. We was all right, Huddie.
Of course, it wasn't our fault that Wade hadda take a pee, was it? I mean, everyone knows, you don't buy beer, you just rent it, right? I mean, we was all right.
So's we was on the way to the Cove in Mookie's monster truck, and it was, like, one, two in the morning, by then, so we figured what could it hurt to stop behind the View 'N' Chew so Wade could relieve hisself? I mean it was closed, nobody's gonna be looking for a sub and a video at two in the morning are they? I mean, we was all right, Huddie, ya know?
So, Ole Wade and Mookie, they just hop on down outta the truck, and let loose next to the recycling barrels and the next thing you know, there's about twenty-eleven cops and spotlights and marija-wana sniffin' dogs and I'm lookin' down the barrel of a Po-lice Special .38.
I mean, Huddie, we was all right. Except for the beer cans Mookie put down, I mean he didn't throw them down or nothing, out of the truck, on the asphalt next to the recycling barrels.
And Wade hollers out, ''I gotta gun in my belt, you'd better take it out,'' but I guess they didn' hear the last part, but you know Ole Wade wouldn't hurt nobody, lessen it was that common sorry jerk what hit on Tawnee over at the Epics Lounge that time, but there Mookie was, caught, so to speak, in mid-stream, surrounded by all these cops a-whoopin' and a hollerin' and a goin' on all 'bout how we was these here big-time crack dealers and we was in a whole, serious world of deep doo, that they'd been stakin' out behind the the View 'N' Chew for weeks -- I just threw my head back and laughed, because everyone knows that Wade and Mookie can't even get it together between the two of 'em to buy a case a' Red White an' Blue, let alone a buncha that there crack stuff.
I mean, them people what owns the View 'N' Chew's so born again, they don't even sell cigarettes. I mean, we was in the middle of a stakeout! I mean, them crack dealers is all over to Wallopsville, everyone knows that.
That's when I got confused. But we was all right, Mookie and Wade and me, even with a gun and some pot and alla them there beer cans. And you know Mookie, he had to get some attitude, then Wade jumps in, and I'm saying ''shut up, Mookie'' and then -- well, you know. It just got real weird, but we was all right.
I disremember what happened after that too much, but as is usual, the Mookster and Wade-man and me was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but we was all right, by the time you got there. Just a few charges and the judge gave us probation before judgment, so we was all right.
It's everyone else that's nuts around here, if you ast me.
This Oysterback Tale is dedicated to Charlie and Lonnie.
They're all right.
Helen Chappell dreamed up Oysterback, the Eastern Shore's very own Brigadoon.