Bashing the world's 2nd-oldest profession Impersonating a lawyer is its own punishment

THE WAY IT IS

June 28, 1992|By Jeff Griffith

News item: Recently, a John Doe, Esq. was charged with practicing law without a license. The gentleman involved allegedly used the name of an out-of-state attorney and claimed to be a member of the Bar of that state.

The deception occurred in Mount Airy, where, rumor has it, lawyers are in short supply.

Lawyers in short supply? A lawyer impersonator in Mount Airy? What's this county coming to?

Why would anyone want to impersonate a lawyer anyway? After politicians and used car salesmen, lawyers are the most despised people on earth.

Question: Do you know why New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps and California has the most lawyers?

Answer: New Jersey got first choice.

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News item: Local attorney sues cop for defamation. The officer ++

reportedly made disparaging remarks about the attorney to one of the attorney's clients.

The attorney quite clearly felt that to send a strong message is the requisite response to such an attack. The officer has denied making the comments.

Why would anyone want to impersonate a lawyer? John Doe, Esq., late of Mount Airy, should perhaps consult his psychotherapist.

Question: How can you tell the difference between a road-killed snake and a road-killed lawyer in Carroll County?

Answer: The skid marks in front of the snake.

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News item: Local attorney sues drug task force for damaging his ability to represent his clients properly. A number in the range of $10 million was mentioned in one of the news reports.

Apparently, the task force doesn't appreciate the attorney's approach. Reports say that the task force won't do any deals -- plea bargains, that is -- with the attorney's clients.

Why would anyone want to impersonate an attorney? And if someone were nuts enough to do so, why in Carroll County? This sort of behavior is obviously calculated to give an entirely new meaning to the concept of masochism. Can you say pain, boys and girls?

Question: How can you tell if the weather is truly cold? Answer: The lawyers all have their hands in their own pockets.

Now certainly this poor columnist will be subjected to howls of rage from the lawyers who find this column insulting. And from the used car folks and the politicians as well.

Life is not fair, friends. Never having been able to find honest work, I've been a used car salesman and a politician in my sordid past, and just recently started impersonating a lawyer myself. The only profession lower is journalism.

Question: What do you call 1,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of Liberty Lake?

Answer: A good start.

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