Girl is getting serious much too quickly


June 13, 1992|By Dina Sokal | Dina Sokal,Contributing Writer

Q: I am 13 years old. I have been going with a 16-year-old for pTC about two weeks. We have been going places for a period of time. We have had sex already, but my Mom doesn't know. We feel that if we tell her she'll get very mad.

I know love is a very strong word. But we love each other. He also wants a baby. I am willing to have his child; he says he will take care of "our" responsibility. What should I do? Please help.

A: You and your boyfriend need to slow down immediately and think clearly about the responsibilities of having sex at such a young age.

Remember that you've only been together for two weeks. You could break up, be pregnant and not know what to do. Or you could stay together, get pregnant and see your entire lives change as you try to raise a baby. No matter how cute the baby is, he or she will wet his or her diaper all the time, cry frequently and have trouble sleeping through the night. This will make it difficult for the two of you to complete your education and learn to support yourselves.

Your should tell your Mom. She could really help you out even if she is angry at first. She has experienced much more than you and can guide you to make better decisions. Please get her help soon before you've make decisions that can't be easily reversed, like getting pregnant.

Q: I have a friend who is 13. I thought if I told her about this she would be upset with me, so I thought I would write to you. She is very skinny and flat-chested. Kids at school are constantly making fun of her. My friend also has problems at home with her older brother and parents. Sometimes she asks me questions, but I don't have any answers for her. What advice could I give her?

A: Your friend needs your friendship and support, and it sounds as if you're already doing your best to stick by her. It probably really helps her to know you'll listen to her and not tease her like the others. Even though she's flat-chested now, she'll develop later; you could reassure her that she won't always be flat-chested and that you like her anyway.

Also, if she's really having serious problems at home, you might suggest that she talk to an adult she likes. Maybe your Mom could help, especially if girls your age like talking to her. Other adults she might talk to are a school counselor or teacher.

Dr. Sokal is a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist practicing in Baltimore. If you have a question, send it to Kids Ask, Features Department, The Sun, Baltimore 21278.

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