Top ten signs you're attending a bad church

May 20, 1992

10. Name of church includes a muppet or professional wrestler.

9. Service involves a lot of squatting.

8. Minister always preaching about the glory of Amway products.

7. Priest not only defrocked but depantsed.

6. Guy from "America's Funniest Home Videos" is hanging around confessional.

5. Photographer wanders around trying to sell people $5 Polaroid of themselves praying.

L 4. So-called "faith healer" is just Doug Henning in a dress.

3. Priest closes sermon with: "You guys have been great! Enjoy Frankie Vallie!"

2. Pews have magic fingers.

1. Only song organist knows is theme from "Bonanza."

(From The "Late Night With David Letterman," home office in Tahlequah, Okla. Special thanks to Audrey McKenna, Detroit Free Press.)

If welfare mothers worked most would earn above the minimum wage and the majority could get off welfare.

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