Although it is never in one's best interest to be the bearer of bad news, it is necessary for me to inform you all that Memorial Day is only five days away, and that means we can no longer hide our lily white thighs behind corduroy.
Yes, it sneaked up on us again. There were our thighs, minding their own business -- fully intending to purchase that Thighmaster as soon as Suzanne Somers included the Ginsu knife set -- when suddenly it was the end of May and we were expected to be tall and thin and blond and tan.
At the time of year when you realize you cannot wear pantyhose all summer, you develop a temporary loss of common sense and decide the only thing you need in life is a tan. By Monday. And how you get it is not the issue.
Those of us who spent our teen years with Bobby Sherman posters on the wall will remember the sun lamp -- 3,000 watts of blinding light attached by a wire clamp to the back of the kitchen chair.
After the burns healed and mom confiscated the lamp, a trip to Read's drugstore was needed to find the Q.T. Sudden Tan. Within hours, it gave your skin the surreal glow of an overripe banana.
Now, we have the tanning bed -- a coffin-like apparatus that is perfectly safe. ("But excuse me, will you please sign this waiver relieving Tan-A-Rama of any liability if you fry like a pork chop?")
You've got to love summer. Bronze those thighs, Glen Burnie.
Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start of summer and the official start of pool season. Glen Burnie is home to two community pools -- the Country Club Estates Recreation Association and the Glen Burnie Park Swim Club.
The swim season at Country Club Estates begins noon Saturday. CCERA boasts a 25-meter pool, a kiddie pool, horseshoe pits, volleyball area, playground, tennis courts, basketball court and a boat ramp to Marley Creek.
Nat Ballard will manage the 1992 Country Club Cruisers swim team, assisted by Scott Shannon. CCERA, at Paul Marr and Country Club Drives, is accepting members, who do not have to live in Country Club Estates. For membership information, call Les Ballard, 760-5053.
* The Glen Burnie Park Swim Club is offering a coupon, redeemable for a "dip on us," to community residents interested in checking out what the club has to offer. The coupons can be used May 30 to June 7. The pool opens Saturday at noon. The swim club, at Everett and Baylor roads, is celebrating its 30th year.
Kari and Clay McKittrick will be the co-directors of the Glen Burnie Park Dolphins swim team. The team will get a head start on getting wet this year with a benefit car wash, noon to 5 p.m. Sunday, at the Maryland National Bank on Hospital Drive. Get coupons at the car wash or by calling Barbara Lawton, 766-7676.
* Get your lawn chairs ready for the fifth annual Glen Burnie Memorial Day Parade. It begins at Harundale Mall 2 p.m. Sunday and proceeds up Aquahart to Crain Highway, then north on Crain to Post 40 Road, where the marchers will disperse on the Glen Burnie Improvement Association carnival grounds. Bring a picnic lunch and enjoy Glen Burnie's first Memorial Day family picnic. Kiddie rides, games, pony rides and races for parents and children are some of the planned activities. Parade entries will be accepted up to the last minute, said Chairman Joe Corcoran. For more information, call 761-9168.
* Glen Burnie's addiction to baseball cards can be quenched Saturday at Arthur Slade Regional Catholic School's Third Annual Baseball Card Show from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. in the school's cafeteria.
Admission is $1 for adults and 50 cents for children under 12. Proceeds will benefit the school's athletic program. Tables are available for $35 each or $60 for two. To reserve a table, call 768-8570.
* Even if your best breakfast effort usually amounts to a bowl of cereal and coffee, Walt Hagan can use your help.
With the aid of several other members of Glen Lutheran Church, Hagan is coordinating a morning program to feed less-fortunate people at the Salvation Army Center in Glen Burnie, 7483 Baltimore-Annapolis Blvd.
Walt and his crew will meet for a prayer breakfast at 7:30 a.m. Saturday, and every fourth Saturday of the month. Breakfast will be served to Salvation Army clients between 9 and 10 a.m.
In a letter to the Glen Lutheran congregation, Salvation Army Director Peggy Vick praised the efforts of the church to assist those in need. In addition to serving the Saturday breakfast, Glen Lutheran also provides a meal the fourth Wednesday of each month.
Anyone wishing to assist with Glen Lutheran's program can contact Hagan at 255-9117. Other organizations wishing to assist the Salvation Army's feeding programs can call Vick at 768-0477.
A surprise DJ will help young dancers play their favorite songs at the Country Club Estates Recreation Association's dance, 7 to 9 p.m., Friday at the CCERA hall on Paul Marr Drive. Dancers bring their favorite tape to be played during the evening. Admission is $2 at the door for youths 12 and under. For more information, call Sue Martin, 761-0317.