Woman justifies gender

SINGLE FILE

May 17, 1992|By SUSAN DEITZ | SUSAN DEITZ,Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Q: This is in response to the man who feels women get all the pleasures in life.

1. (His point: Women practically don't pay for anything.) This is a precedent that men perpetuate so women will feel amiable toward the men there. As for dining out, men have the option of saying costs will be shared.

2. (His point: Women don't approach men.) In fact we do make the approach; we just don't do itpublicly. Rejection isn't what we fear. It's that most men feel that women who make the first approach are either "hot" or pushy. We women who seek companionship and are assertive place personal ads. (There are always more female ads than male ones.) Two reasons women prefer this method is that we can find out a little about the man, and it's safer than approaching a perfect stranger on the street with a simple, "Yo, baby, sure looking good."

3. (His point: Women expect men to perform sexually all the time.) Don't think men don't get cold feet; they do. And the idea that a man gets so worked up he can't stop himself is ridiculous. Rape is not an act of passion, it is a hate crime.

4. (His point: Women can get sex any time they want it.) Men can get it any time, also. Just because we as women are raised differently to want respect and affection thrown in, why is that so bad?

5. (His point: Women will soon make more money than men for equal work.) There is no such thing as equality as far as pay is concerned in the workplace whether it's for men, women or a minority. But I can't feel sorry for men because they still rule over good pay in the work force.

Women were oppressed for many years; it's about time we were catered to.

A: In the same mail came a man's point of view about the battle of the sexes. . . .

Q: We men don't know what we want. We have no practice at discovering our attitudes about issues that matter to us because we're trained from childhood to control our emotions.

And when a man is afraid of a woman, eventually he becomes angry; and when a man who cannot express his emotions becomes angry, he may become violent. It behooves us all, men and women, to understand why some men turn violent and why all men have emotional difficulties.

A: And so it goes, men conditioned to squelch their feelings and women conditioned to share theirs with same-sex friends, but rarely with the men they love. Young habits die hard. But still, as we mature, the time comes to assume responsibility for changing behavior that is unrewarding. Before you can do that, however, you must gain insight into your inner feelings and sort through them as they surface.

As that happens, we become individually responsible for our lives. When each man and woman faces that challenge and works through his or her emotions, relating to the other sex becomes more clear and more satisfying.

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