Washington -- If she hadn't fallen for the short, spunky Texan who made her laugh, hadn't agreed to wear his Navy ring and wait for him as he sailed around the world, she would have stayed in Baltimore after college and pursued a career in social work as she'd planned.
But a year after her 1955 graduation from Goucher College, Margot Birmingham married the Naval Academy class president she'd met on a blind date in Annapolis. And the only social work the wife of H. Ross Perot would ever come to know would be in the glossy, moneyed, champagne world of Dallas society and philanthropy.
As private as her husband is high-profile, as low-voltage as he is turbocharged, Margot Perot, 58, has never been a visible part of the public adventures and exploits that have turned the billion dollar Perot name into near legend.
Always there, friends say of the warm, bright and personable mother of five, always supportive, always cheerful and dutiful -- but always in the background.
Even now, with the cowboy computer titan on the threshold of an independent bid for the U.S. presidency, Mrs. Perot is happy to let her husband absorb the glare of the spotlight, only agreeing to speak to a reporter to answer factual questions about her life, and uncomfortable, at least for now, with much discussion of issues.
"I'd rather Ross speak out on the issues," she says in a telephone interview from her home in north Dallas. "People are not voting for me, they're voting for him."
A Greensburg, Pa., native who gave up a brief teaching career as soon as the first of her five children was born in the late '50s, Margot Perot's has been a life devoted to family and community work and making a gracious home on prestigious, estate-dotted Strait Lane.
It has been a life of debutante bows and charity balls, of private schools and clubs, of Junior League meetings and ladies auxiliary teas, of board chairmanships and generous donations, of tennis every Wednesday and church every Sunday and aerobics three times a week.
"I don't think Margot had great plans for a career when she was growing up," says her sister Barbara McLeod. "As for going up the corporate ladder, it wasn't for our era. It was nothing we really aspired to."
Indeed, Mrs. Perot, who began her career as a third-grade teacher at McDonogh School, is proud to have opted for full-time motherhood, just as her own mother, a 1922 Goucher graduate, did. "Our children can say their parents were there when they were growing up," says Mrs. Perot, now a grandmother of four.
But the children also say their mother's devotion to family has not been "in a Pollyanna sort of way," as eldest daughter Nancy, 31, puts it. "She has a lively, curious mind," says the Perot daughter who worked in the personnel office of the Reagan White House. "She's not a Southern woman who's been a Southern homemaker type. Anything but that. Even though she's always put family above everything else."
In fact, the entire family is so close-knit, "they're like their own state," says close friend Nancy Brinker. "Whatever Ross decides to do, Margot supports him 150 percent. Always has."
This time appears no different. Although unsure of exactly what sort of role she'd carve out for herself as a campaign spouse, or how active she might be on the Ross Perot campaign trail -- "I can't imagine that I'll be that involved," she says of Hillary Clinton's activities -- she knows this much: "Mainly I'll be there to support him, to make sure his home life is serene."
She admits she has mixed feelings about the heat of a campaign.
Says Ann Dittmar, a close friend of 30 years, "She feels, as one of the children said, 'It's Dad's destiny.' I don't think she thinks it's going to be a lot of fun, but she thinks that right now it's what needs to be done."
The last of five daughters born to Pittsburgh bank presiden Donald Cameron Williams Birmingham and homemaker Gertrude Price Birmingham who had studied piano at the Peabody Conservatory as well as chemistry at Goucher, Mrs. Perot says, with little elaboration, that she's interested in "all women's issues."
The Perot family, in fact, which underwrote a women's and children's facility at Presbyterian Hospital of Dallas, elected to name it the Margot Perot Building as a 25th wedding anniversary gift to the wife and mother. The hospital, a colorful, cheery structure devoted to "progressive concepts in women's health care," has been the site of protests by anti-abortion forces, although Mrs. Perot adds that "few [abortions] are ever performed there in a year."
A member of the advisory board of Planned Parenthood in Dallas, Mrs. Perot is an advocate of abortion rights. "I believe in as little government intervention as possible," she says, offering a rare glimpse of her own opinions and ideas. "I believe it's a moral issue."