17-year-old girl is pregnant, but boy doesn't seem to care

KIDS ASK

April 11, 1992|By Dina Sokal | Dina Sokal,Contributing Writer

Q: I'm a 17-year-old girl who is so much in love with this 17-year-old boy. I have this major crush on him. I really love him so much that I want to go with him. How can I come to him and ask him to go with me so that he'll want to go with me, too?

This boy knows that I like him and have a crush on him. And making me feel even worse is that I had sex with him many times, and he got me pregnant. He doesn't go with anybody and I want to go with him so bad. What should I do?

A: It may hurt to hear this, but this boy doesn't seem to care for you as much as you do for him. If he did, he'd be more worried about your being pregnant and would have already told you how much he cared. Instead, he's having sex with you knowing you like him without showing you any love in return.

Right now you need to think about being pregnant and how this will change your life. Raising a baby so that it does well in life is a difficult job. It's even harder when the father is not involved and the mother is as young as you are. A baby needs constant attention and love, which means putting aside your own needs fairly frequently. If you aren't able to do this, then the baby may not feel loved and may face problems later on in life.

To help make sure you and your baby do well, see if an adult you know can talk to the father to help him be more concerned about you and your pregnancy. Also, try calling (800) 422-0009, the youth crisis hot line, for places or people offering support for you and the father. Or try Friends of the Family at (410) 659-7701 to find out where its nearest center is so you can go there for help while pregnant and afterward. Someone there may also be able to help you convince the father to be more concerned.

Q: I'm a 10-year-old girl in fifth grade. My problem is this girl in my class who's so annoying. Nobody I know likes her. She tells lies and does mean and disgusting things. The problem is she thinks everybody is her friend. My friends and I have given many nice signals telling her we don't like her. I want to tell her to shove off, but she'd tell the teacher. How can we get her to leave us alone?

A: There may not be much you can do to get this girl to leave you alone all the time. Most likely, she doesn't realize how annoying she is and may only know how to get attention by being mean or disgusting. Of course, this must be a real drag for you and your friends especially since she's in your class. One suggestion is for you to be direct with her when she is annoying. Tell her when you don't like what she says or does, and maybe, over time she'll get the message, especially if your friends tell her, too.

Sometimes nice signals don't get across clearly enough, and you have to be more blunt. If your teacher is understanding, maybe you and a friend could talk to her about this girl, and the teacher could help her learn other ways of getting attention or could talk to the girl's mother to get her help.

Q: I am a 13-year-old girl and I have a friend who lives around my way. We are always fussing and fighting and a couple of days later, we'll be friends again. When I am not around, people say that she talks about me, but she says that's not true. But I also know that she lies. I cannot believe her or the person who tells me what she said. What should I do? Please help.

A: If you're tired of the fighting and lying, why not avoid this friend for now and find others? Even if the good times with her are fun, they're not worth it if you can't trust her.

Or, if you're not ready to give up on her, try figuring out why you fuss so much. Maybe you usually fight with people you like, and it's not just her. Or, try to figure out what the fights are about and whether you can stop them by deciding they aren't worth it or by talking over your differences in a more calm way. If the two of you can figure out what's going on and stop the fussing, maybe the friendship can still work.

Dr. Sokal is a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist practicing in Baltimore. If you have a question, send it to Kids Ask, Features Department, The Sun, Baltimore 21278.

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