Daily slime

February 03, 1992|By Art Buchwald

YOU HAVE probably seen the Daily Slime in the supermarkets by the cash registers. Some of you may wonder who puts this stuff out. The editor of the Daily Slime is a friend of mine named Charley Smut. Charley and I were sharing a pizza when he said: "They're starting to take us seriously."

"Who is they?"

"The press and television. The New York Times used to be the pacesetter for news in this country. Now it's the Daily Slime."

"Doesn't it get you mad that the legit papers are stealing your scoops?"

"It doesn't bother me as long as we get the credit. We ran one the other day. A woman came to us and said that she had taken a shower with every member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. We immediately wrote out a check for $100,000 for her story."

"You never verified any of it?"

"What was there to verify? It was her word against the Pentagon's. As soon as the paper hit the stands, we received phone calls from all over the country -- from other newspapers, magazines and the network shows."

"Are you predicting the future of the Daily Slime will rise as the circulation of the legitimate papers falls?"

"It has to. People would rather read about invaders from outer space landing in Albuquerque than President Bush's environmental plans for Kennebunkport."

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