* What They Don't Know Will Hurt Them Award: To school board membersCheryl McFalls, Anne Ballard and Joseph Mish, who say that having teachers inform students about such issues as birth control and AIDS "usurps parental authority." Egged on by eight vocal parents, they voted against distributing in high schools a "teen health card" informingstudents that free condoms are available and that, under state law, parental permission is not required to receive services.
* Gilgamess Award: To Carroll school board members who initially pulled Herbert Mason's translation of "The Epic of Gilgamesh" from high school English classes because of a sexual reference. After English teacher Dottie Farley appealed the removal, the board voted 3-2 to return the epic to the classroom.
* Rules are Rules Award: To Carroll educators, for suspending from Westminster Elementary School two kindergarten students who passed prescription medicine while riding a bus. The 5-year-old girls were suspended for two days.
* Desert Storm Paranoia Award: To Carroll and Frederick educators, for canceling field trips to Baltimore and Washington during the height of the Persian Gulf war because for fear of reprisals in the metropolitan area.
* I Dream of Jeannie Award: To Representative Beverly B. Byron, D-6th, who was detained for several hours by Saudi Arabian cultural police, who said her pants were too tight.
* Tony Orlando Award: To the myriad of countians who tiedbig yellow ribbons around trees, mailboxes, car antennas, sideview mirrors and door handles to show support for troops in the Persian Gulf. County merchants quickly sold out of the ribbons and had trouble restocking.
* What's in a Number Award: To the Westminster Post Office and C & P Telephone Co., for giving many residents a new ZIP codeand new area code. Westminster grew so big that half the city's 21157 ZIP codes rose to 21158. At the same time, because Maryland has grown rapidly, it was split into two area codes: while most countians took on the new 410, Mount Airy-area residents -- used to being different -- retained the old 301.
* What's in a Name Award: To the latest owners of Westminster's Winchester Exchange. After changing owners several more times this past year, the Max brothers decided to changethe name from Sherwood Square, hoping that will help put the mini-mall's troubled past behind it.
* They Won't Let Me Retire Award: ToTaneytown Manager Neal Powell, who's tried since last July to retire. The City Council has yet to find a replacement who will take the job, which Powell continues to fill until a successor is chosen -- perhaps by July 1992.
* I'm No Mattador Award: To retired state policelieutenant Jerry E. Gooding, who was attacked by a 2,000-pound hornless bull in May after stopping to help a farmer who was trying to corral a loose horse. The retired trooper did not know the bull was loose until it knocked him down and started banging him around; Gooding suffered extensive bruising and broken ribs.
* Your Vote Does CountAward: To Robert Kolodziejski, who won a seat on the Manchester TownCouncil as a write-in candidate, thanks to an aggressive door-to-door campaign.
* I Do Award: To the 69.2 percent of wedded countians,who give Carroll the highest concentration of married-couple families in the state.
* Here Today, Gone Tomorrow Award: To Philip F. Hertz, hired as Westminster city manager by one council in February andfired by the new council some four months later.
* Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow Award: To Robert Moton Elementary Principal Curtis T. Schnorr, who shaved off his mustache for students in June, fulfilling his promise to give up the mustache he'd had for 20 years if students met their reading goals.
* How Big Is It Award: To Mary and John Smith of New Windsor, whose 144-foot sycamore is the largest in the state.
* Carroll Scissorhands Award: To the Carroll County Budget Office, for trimming and trimming and trimming and trimming the budget.
* Masters of Disaster Award: To former Sykesville Council members Charles B. Mullins, Maxine C. Wooleyhand and Charles H. "Tim" Ferguson, for nearly killing last February the Raincliffe Center deal, whichis projected to increase the town's tax base by 25 percent.
* Come from Out of Nowhere Award: To Mount Airy dairy farmer C. William Knill, who defeated the incumbent president and first vice president tobecome president of the Maryland Farm Bureau at the group's annual convention last month. Knill planned to run for the first vice president's seat, but was persuaded to run for the top spot. His competitiondidn't even know he was running until he was nominated from the floor.
* I Can Tell You Anything You Want to Know about Mining Award: To K. Marlene Conaway, assistant director of the county Department ofPlanning, who has presided at meetings about a county mining plan for a year. She -- and her staff -- probably know the location of everysinkhole in the county.