Keeping things simpleBears coach Mike Ditka won't know...

Fumbles and follies

December 22, 1991|By Vito Stellino

Keeping things simple

Bears coach Mike Ditka won't know until the Lions play the Bills today whether his game Monday night against the 49ers tomorrow night will mean anything.

But Ditka isn't getting caught up in the speculation about whether Buffalo will rest its starters against Detroit.

"I am immune to anything that is complicated. Not by intent, either. Just by the way I was designed. I work on very simple circuits," he said.

Talking tough

Mark Clayton of the Dolphins on his team's battle for a playoff spot against the Jets today: "We're going to kick their butt, and when we do, we're going to get on a roll and get to the Super Bowl."

Irv Eatman of the Jets replied, "We'll say everything we've got to say at 1 p.m. Sunday."

Thinking about the writers

When Dan Henning of the Chargers was asked in a conference call to Denver whether it's difficult to coach with all the uncertainty (about his job future), he said: "We understand that a number of the columnists and beat writers are not going to be working here next year because they are dropping one of the newspapers [San Diego Tribune]. Is that what you're talking about? I feel for those guys because they don't know where they stand, but I think they'll land on their feet."

That was Henning's not-so-subtle way of saying he'll land on his feet. He's good friends with Bill Parcells and is likely to become his offensive coordinator when and if Parcells returns to coaching.

From the mouths of babes

Bobby Hebert of the Saints said that when his 9-year-old daughter found out that he was going to be starting last week, "she told me, 'You'd better not lose, or when I get to school, I'll be embarrassed.' "

Joe Namath, a former Jet now in the Hall of Fame, said that when he was being asked for autographs, his 6-year-old daughter said, "Why do they ask for your autograph?" Namath said he replied, "Well, honey, I used to play ball." She answered, "I know, but why do they ask you for it?"

Wait till she grows up and hears about the llama rug of his single days.

Hi, Mom

Rookie Reggie Rivers of the Broncos said he has hired his mother to cook for him for $200 a week.

"Why not? Now I'm getting paid for what I've always done for free, and so is she. A paid football player and a paid mother. It makes sense."

Having the right friends

Falcons coach Jerry Glanville needled Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson last week about the fact that he was hired by his college friend, Jerry Jones, when Jones bought the Dallas team.

"I admire Jimmy. He's the only guy I know who has a 10-year contract worth a million a year. I love guys like that. Unfortunately, nobody I played with in college owns a team," he said.

Return of Raul

Raul Allegre, who kicked for the Giants earlier this year when Matt Bahr was ailing, was signed by the Jets last week because Pat Leahy is ailing.

"I'm like a bad rash," Allegre said of his return. "It keeps coming back."

Is eating doughnuts a hobby?

When former coach Bill Parcells was hospitalized for a non-surgical heart procedure last week to clear a clogged artery, Cardinals coach Joe Bugel said: "His big concern when he retired was that he didn't have any hobbies. He didn't play golf; he didn't drive a sports car. He smoked cigarettes and ate doughnuts. Those were his hobbies. He'd have to decide whether to have 6 cream-filled or 7 cream-filled."

Parcells, though, is likely to be back soon coaching and, apparently, eating doughnuts.

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